Simplifying My Life

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

More and more, I'm hearing the best thing you can do for your relationships is to make yourself and keep yourself happy. It makes sense, doesn't it? Our happiness is no one else's responsibility.

Aren't we the most fun, loving and attractive when we're happy? Make yourself happy and everything else will begin to fall into place. What better way to spend Valentine's Day, whether you're in a relationship or not?

This year celebrate yourself during this love-fest. I'm not saying to neglect your significant other, kids, grandmas, goldfish, hermit crab, etc. Just don't forget about you. This year jab yourself in the arm with that arrow. Make yourself a hot cup of tea. Take a bubble bath. Paint your toes hot pink. Write yourself a poem. Don't wait for someone else to do it. Beat 'em to it.

Chinese New Year AND A New Moon!

2012-01-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you're planning to start something new, Monday is the day! Carpe Diem Simplify! I'm thinking my closet may still be too full. I'm also wondering if I may have kept some things just because the idea of a nearly empty closet is still a little scary. I plan to explore this theory further. I'll keep you posted... who knew minimizing the closet would take so many steps?

Do I regret some of my minimizing decisions now that 2011 is over? I have to be honest, I asked for my dumbells back (which I still haven't used). I also asked for my light box back, which is to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder (have used that quite a bit lately). Around Christmas I really regretted getting rid of my baking sheets... until I ate too many cookies. Then I remembered why I thought it was such a great idea back in June. Last but not least, I admit to being enormously relieved to discover I had not parted with my ugly but comfortable favorite pair of winter shoes.

2012 has already brought so many great changes, but then I did spend half of 2011 clearing the way. I can't wait to see how the rest of the year unfolds!

My Christmas Crush

2011-12-25T21:40:00.000-08:00

I know, the pics are so little you can barely see Deek a.k.a. Derek (Deek) Diedricksen, but it's his brain I've fallen for, anyway. Can't show you that. He's still using it... big time. This guy's a flat-out genius, and he makes me laugh. It's a carpentry-stand-up two-fer. He makes Bob Villa sound like Captain Dullard of Dullopolis. I give you Exhibit A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_j0WbdSr0c

Deek builds killer little, and I do mean little houses, like the Relax-a-Shack & the Gypsy Junker, which I'd be hiding out in full-on-stalker-style in his back yard as we speak, if he weren't already married.

Check out his blog: http://relaxshacks.blogspot.com/ and escape to Neverland (God no, not the ranch - the magical island) through his Youtube videos: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tiny+yellow+house+tv&oq=tiny+yellow&aq=7&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=c&gs_upl=6283l9014l0l13916l11l11l0l3l3l0l217l993l4.2.2l8l0

I didn't have a treehouse when I was a kid, but I had a freakin' magical little clubhouse. It had actually been a smokehouse during our old farm's glory days. I added a loft by hauling a discarded barn door up a ladder and wedging it between some joists (Deek would've been proud). I spent a ridiculous amount of time in there, especially considering how dark it was and how much I crave light. That's one thing I especially love about Deek's creations - he uses a lot of clear plastic corrugated roofing, so his little hide-outs are flooded with natural light.

Most inspiring is the fact that Deek is living a self-designed dream-life. He started with a few clever creations he built in his back yard, then the insanely entertaining how-to book, then videos, a blog, interviews and now he's on a wild rocket ride. I'd be shocked if he hasn't already been offered his own TV show. The thing is, if I know Deek (like I like to imagine I do), he'll keep it simple and continue to man his own gig. He can work when he wants on exactly what he wants, as it stands. I think he'd be mad to give that up. I also think he's a lot smarter than I am, so I bet he's already figured this out :)

Simplify the Holidays... easy as 1-2-3!

2011-12-20T22:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, in a mile-long checkout lane complete with six-year-old boys dive-bombing everyone with their monster trucks and full-on combat sound effects, I found myself vowing to become one of those annoying people who finishes their Xmas shopping by mid-July. I've simplified a lot of things in my life this past year. Why, in the name of all that is sane and holy, did I not apply this principal to Christmas!? God knows it's been crying out for a makeover.

I'd love to just do a little baking and make everyone gifts of time like a gift certificate for a day or evening out with me. Does that sound weird or sleezy or cheap? Think about it though, I'd much rather take friends and family members out for breakfast, lunch, dinner or a movie - just the two of us spending quality time together sometime during the year - than buy them one more thing they don't really need, and may or may not even remember a year from now.

This past year I wrote a lot of birthday poems and they went over like gangbusters. People loved them and started requesting one for their birthday. They were also a heck of a lot of fun to write, as I tried to cram in as many funny memories as possible. So maybe cookies, a poem and a gift of quality time?

My first thought is that it wouldn't be right not to get toys and things for all my nieces and nephews like I always have, but when I really think about it, I realize that they each really value time alone with me. Then I worry about the people who won't cash their quality time in.Well, at least they got some cookies out of it. It's a free country. Or what about the people who will think it's the lamest gift ever... their loss? What about a few people I have no desire to spend any time with... my loss? Could be.

Still, I think I might be onto something. At any rate, it's bound to be an improvement over my current tradition of overspending and spreading myself as thin as crepe paper, out of fear of hurting someone's feelings or pissing someone off. It's time to let go of those fears and free myself up to enjoy the season more. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I just loathe the pre-Christmas chaos I handcraft for myself every single year.

So mark my words and hold me to them. Next year, everyone's going to receive some of my insanely addictive freshly-baked Snickerdoodles, a gift certificate for quality time to be used at their leisure and a little Christmas poem from the heart. I'd love making these gifts, and I'd also love to receive gifts like these! Wouldn't you?

HSPs are Natural-Born Minimalists

2011-12-15T23:27:00.000-08:00

As promised, I'm getting back to you on my hunches and findings regarding HSPs (highly sensitive people). After Reading Dr. Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love and The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook http://www.hsperson.com/pages/store.htm, I feel my hunch was right on the money. Quite a few of us who are so overwhelmed by clutter, noise, decorating, consumerism, waste, lack of sunshine in the winter, sugar, chemicals and chaos, are feeling overwhelmed precisely because we are HSPs.

According to Dr. Aron:

If you find you are highly sensitive, or your child is, you need to begin by knowing the following:

Your trait is normal. It is found in 15 to 20% of the population--too many to be a disorder, but not enough to be well understood by the majority of those around you.
It is innate. In fact, biologists have found it to be in most or all animals, from fruit flies and fish to dogs, cats, horses, and primates. This trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, being observant before acting. The brains of highly sensitive persons (HSPs) actually work a little differently than others'.
You are more aware than others of subtleties. This is mainly because your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. So even if you wear glasses, for example, you see more than others by noticing more.
You are also more easily overwhelmed. If you notice everything, you are naturally going to be overstimulated when things are too intense, complex, chaotic, or novel for a long time.
This trait is not a new discovery, but it has been misunderstood. Because HSPs prefer to look before entering new situations, they are often called "shy." But shyness is learned, not innate. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extraverts, although the trait is often mislabeled as introversion. It has also been called inhibitedness, fearfulness, or neuroticism. Some HSPs behave in these ways, but it is not innate to do so and not the basic trait.
Sensitivity is valued differently in different cultures. In cultures where it is not valued, HSPs tend to have low self-esteem. They are told "don't be so sensitive" so that they feel abnormal.

I am definitely an HSP (also sometimes referred to as an empath, although that still sounds a little too woo-woo to me) and feel really lucky to be the owner of a highly sensitive dog, as well. In reading these fantastic books I was able to forgive myself for a lot of mistakes I've made. Now I understand exactly why I did what I did at the time and why certain things were and still are so overwhelming. A lot of things make perfect sense now, like why I hate Super Walmarts and love Target. I know precisely why I don't like concerts, clutter, TV, the mall, and why I do like waking up to an empty room, standing in a field and walking along the lake during the wee hours of the morning. All kinds of things now make much more sense, and I perceive a lot fewer of them as personal shortcomings.

I've long said everyone loves the sensitive person when they're writing poems, creating art and entertaining, but no one likes to see them crumble or implode. However it's a package deal, a two-fer. The same traits that make us so sensitive to beauty, passion and human suffering, also render us exceptionally vulnerable at times, even fragile. How many times have you been told you're too sensitive?

Dr. Andrew Weil's recent article on Nature-Deficit Disorder in Newsweek http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/10/30/andrew-weil-s-spontaneous-happiness-our-nature-deficit-disorder.html simply yet beautifully stated we were not designed to live in a world so full of stimuli. We were not designed to juggle fifty projects at once, keep up with email, Twitter, Facebook, dieting, working out, parenting, marriage, decorating, entertaining, working 40,50,60-80 hours a week, fighting traffic, etc. Think about it. If the majority of us are feeling overwhelmed, the HSPs are feeling doubly so. However we were all designed to live in nature, work in nature, play in nature and eat from nature. Just a little food for thought the next time you're feeling run down, chewed up and spit out. Get out of Dodge. Take a drive, take a walk, breathe some fresh air and eat some fresh fruits and vegetables. In other words... back to basics.

It's Alright to be Itty Bitty

2011-11-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

A post on Miss Minimalist triggered another escape into the world of tiny houses: http://www.missminimalist.com/2011/11/real-life-minimalists-carol-from-brazil/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+missminimalist+%28miss+minimalist%29. Once I start looking at these I can't stop. They're portable, affordable and sheer genius.

Jay Shafer's company, Tumbleweed, is still my favorite too: http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/. There are a lot of great clips on Youtube as well, including tours of interiors: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbRvsWuWNUM and I give this kid an A+ for his school project: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXDu2U-CmkI&feature=related.

Ah, sweet simplicity. These homes really take things back to the basics. A home should provide warmth, a place to eat and sleep and shelter from the elements.

Now go outside and play with your friends.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

I was just having a conversation with a friend about Black Friday and where the term originated. Apparently, the biggest shopping day of the year has historically pushed most retailers out of the red and into the black until the end of the year. He was telling me about the people he saw camped outside Best Buy on the way over. Yikes! I am SO THANKFUL I am not into shopping! I enjoyed a very quiet holiday, just me and my dog. It was my choice. I did turn down a lovely invitation to spend the day with friends and family, but I think it's okay to give ourselves permission to enjoy some solitude on occasion... even festive occasions. I've definitely felt I'm in the spirit of the season, watching the Extraordinary People series on Youtube, the past few days. One cannot help but feel very thankful and uber-inspired: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yQAU0mgLSA

What's Simpler Than Moving?

2011-11-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

Dropping anchor and staying put is much simpler than moving. I should've known something was wrong when I'd made no move to acquire any boxes. Intuition can be a powerful tool if we just allow ourselves to tune in.

I rarely backtrack once I've made a plan, but this time I had to slow down and ask myself if this move really made sense. When I looked more closely at the fact that my dog and I always seem to be in the car, everyone's location wasn't the real problem. Spreading myself too thinly was the problem. Saying yes to everything and everyone was the problem.

You know what's also simpler than moving? Learning to say no on occasion and take time for yourself. Also, learning to make a schedule and sticking to it. Flying by the seat of your pants and making plans at the last minute breeds chaos and stress.

My return to school in January is fast approaching. This was a valuable lesson and an excellent wake-up call.

Raw Food Freedom

2011-11-09T23:19:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned before how I feel raw foods help me simplify my life and become the best version of myself. The truth is I'm not that great at it. In fact, I may be the worst raw foodist of all time, but I've got heart. I've fallen off the horse a thousand times, but I always get back on her. I am honest about it, and I have a lot of fun joking about it. Going raw ain't for sissies. This new blog is irreverent at best. The raw food community may just cover me in raw honey and tie me to an ant hill when they find it, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

http://rawfoodfreedom.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-rat-phase.html

Back to Nature

2011-11-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

What was it like in the beginning, when we humans first arrived?

If you haven't read this article by Dr. Andrew Weil in this week's edition of Newsweek, it smacks of minimalism: http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/10/30/andrew-weil-s-spontaneous-happiness-our-nature-deficit-disorder.html.

So some of us are willing to admit our brains can't handle constant stimuli and stress. Isn't it nice to know it's not a personal shortcoming, that our brains weren't designed for this anyway?

Why Are We Doing This Again?

2011-11-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

Wait... wait... I know this one... oh yeah, to make more time and space for the people and activities we really love... to simplify our lives. I had to remind myself of this today as I was trying to decide whether or not to leave my uber-awesome minimalist's studio for an even smaller space. I know, if it's so uber-awesome, why would I give it up? Well, as much as I've loved 'the island' these past four months, it's a long drive from even my closest nieces and nephews. My dog and I seem to be in the car all the time. This morning I caught her trying to let the air out of my tires.

Today I was presented with the opportunity to rent a room just ten minutes from my niece and nephews. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. I basically use my living space for sleeping, showering and laundry these days, anyway. I do a bit of writing there, but I've always prided myself on being able to write anywhere. Also, less money going toward rent means more money for travel. Roommates mean less privacy, but also new friendships and inevitably opening our minds to new worlds. It's a good trade-off.

The island was a fantastic downtown summer home within a stick's throw of the dog beach. Its time has come and gone. In the words of Tom Petty, "Time to move on... time to get goin' 'cause under my feet, baby, grass is growin'... and you know what that means... getting rid of more stuff. Yipeee!" (Okay, that last part wasn't Tom Petty)

Best Minimalistic Movies of Our Time

2011-10-24T00:48:00.000-07:00

I was watching The Terminal with Tom Hanks again (hadn't seen it in years) when it occurred to me what fun it would be to compile a list of the best minimalist movies ever! I'll start off with my personal favorites. These are just the ones which immediately came to mind. I know I've forgotten some doozies, so bring 'em on. I promise you, I did not Google! Some of these I feel are minimalistic because they were made out of practically nothing. Others had a big budget with a simple yet beautiful theme, or characters living a simpler life:

1) Castaway
(Does it get any simpler than a guy marooned on an island? IMHO, he becomes his best self)

2) Clan of the Cave Bear
(Talk about traveling light and using what the earth has provided!)

3) The Terminal
(Bloom where you're planted. Victor finds a way to bloom over and over despite obstacles)

4) Open Water
(Miniscule budget, two actors treading water - clean, beautiful, moving performances)

5) Open Water II: Adrift
(Another small budget - great relationship dynamics, more actors treading water)

6) Before Sunrise
(2 people meet on a train and spend the one night they have walking around talking - nice)

7) Blair Witch
(Tiny budget - 3 kids, the woods and a lot of improvisation. Less is more scary, to me)

8) My Date with Drew
(One guy, one borrowed camera and one dream of lunch with a Hollywood starlet)

9) Grey Gardens
(Former socialite mother and daughter living in squalor - the focus is all relationship)

10) Big
(Walks away from his entire life, loses sight of what's important, but regains it in the end)

11) Being There
(Mentally disabled gardener ousted from his home discovers the world & enlightens it)

12) The Parrots of Telegraph Hill
(One guy living very simply as he cares for a flock of wild parrots)

13) My Life
(Terminally ill man trying to live long enough to see his son born - focus shifts to relationships)

14) One True Thing
(Daughter's values shift from career to family as she cares for her terminally ill mother)

15) The House of Sand and Fog
(Alcoholic woman loses her home & gains a new appreciation for life)

16) The Big Chill
(Group of college friends examine their lives & values after one of them commits suicide)

17) Off the Map
(An IRS henchmen's life is changed when it's saved by a family living very simply in desert)

18) The Bridges of Madison County
(A complicated love story during a simpler time out on an Iowa farm)

19) Spanglish
(Young mother & daughter flee Mexico with a couple of suitcases and a lot of hope)

20) What dreams May Come
(It doesn't get much more minimalistic than dying and leaving it all behind)

21) Shawshank Redemption
(Simple living, simple dream - freedom. Great relationships key to survival)

22) The Bucket List
(Time is running out. What's really important in th end?)

23) Chantilly Lace
(Completely improvised, a group of women reunite time and again, exploring their values)

24) Misery
(One hobbled novelist, one crazed fan, one doomed pig and lots of determination)

25) Finding Forrester
(Agoraphobic novelist revived by his accidental relationship with one budding writer)

26) Field of Dreams
(A guy, a field, a dream and a ghostly baseball team)

27) That thing You Do
(A group of young one-hit-wonders travels the country, learning about life & love)

28) Angela's Ashes
(Impoverished Irish family struggles to survive and produces Pulitzer Prize Winner)

29) Forest Gump
(Is Tom Hanks a closet minimalist? Am I outing him?) (Life through the eyes of an angel)

30) Jeremiah Johnson
(Aspiring mountain man braves the wilderness to build a simple life in nature)

31) Dances with Wolves
(Military man abandons his post to live a simpler life among Native Americans)

32) Into the Wild
(College grad abandons his life and society's rules on a pilgrimage to Alaska and peace)

33) An Angel for May
(A young boy accidentally travels through time to a simpler way of life & new family)

34) The Road
(A man and his boy trying to survive after the apolcalypse - pure relationship, pure inspiration)

35) Thelma & Louise
(2 women, one convertible and the road)

36) Over the Hedge
(Consumerism & selfishness vs. nature & family - beautiful and hilarious for all ages)

37) Nim's Island
(A man & daughter living on an island, separated then reunited by an agoraphobic novelist)

38) Flushed Away
(Roddy the rat flushed from his lonely life of privilege to discover friendship in the sewers)

39) Finding Nemo
(One fish's search for his son - no possessions - a story of friendship and determination)

40) Fly Away Home
(A man, his daughter and how they taught a flock of wild Canada geese to fly)

41) Charlotte's Web
(A little girl, a spider, a pig and a bittersweet display of ingenuity and friendship)

42) Babe
(One talking pig, no possessions, just a will to survive and color outside the lines)

43) Nell
(One woman secluded in a cabin for years, living in nature, can also be an incredible teacher)

44) Touching Wild Horses
(A broken woman & her orphaned nephew living on an island with wild horses)

45) Mr. Mergler's Gift
(One dying piano teacher discovers the student of a lifetime in a young Chinese girl)

46) Driving Miss Daisy
(One chauffeur, one stubborn old woman, a series of cars and layers of friendship)

47) Terms of Endearment
(Mother and daughter get to the bottom of their relationship and what's important)

48) Tuesdays with Morrie
(One dying teacher educates one misguided student in what's really important)

49) Regarding Henry
(One man's rebirth after a gunshot wound to the head - shallow jerk to childlike angel)

50) Pollack
( 2 painters, their life in the city, the country & her struggle to keep him alive, sober and painting)

I can't wait to read your favs! Some of these might seem like a stretch, but I have a feeling defending our favorites will be just as much fun as listing them... just a hunch :)

Inspiring Fit2fat2fit Blog

2011-10-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

http://fit2fat2fit.com/

THE BEGINNING: May 7, 2011

Waist: 34.5"
Chest: 42"
Neck: 17"
Hips: 39.5"
Biceps: 17"
Weight: 193 lbs.
Height: 6'2"

Week 23: October 15, 2011

Waist: 47.5"
Chest: 46"
Neck: 18"
Hips: 50.5"
Biceps: 17"
Weight: 263.4 lbs
Height: 6'2"

This is some serious dedication, people! In the world of minimalism, this would be like starting with that mythical 100 things, then going to Walmart and purchasing $200 worth of stuff everyday for six months, then sorting through it all and getting back down to that mythical 100 things! I just had to share this, as a blogger, as someone who has struggled with weight and as someone who's had more than her fair share of personal trainers.

Many of you know I watched The Secret for 90 days and then some. That was life-changing and brought about many unexpected benefits. Fit2fat2fit has inspired me to to do a green smoothie feast for 90 days. I've been drinking green smoothies (greens like kale, spinach and romaine, flax seed oil, banana and other fruit, blended until creamy in a Vitamix) again for the past six days, but I've also eaten a lot of junk. So long, junk. This should be interesting, as I experienced I wasn't even tired after work on the first day back on green smoothies, even with the added junk food. Instead, I was able to write for several hours after returning home at 6am.

I apologize if any of you were under the assumption I'd been a raw foodist all this time. It didn't occur to me to mention I'd fallen off the raw wagon back in August. I always go back to raw. It makes too much sense to me. So here we go!

A green smoothie takes about five minutes to make... talk about simplifying your life! http://fit2fat2fit.com/

My Current Apartment

2011-10-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

I hadn't lived in a studio in over twenty years. I really wanted to try it again. It was an excellent decision. I feel very calm and focused in this space.

This is the temporary table I created out of moving boxes for my birthday in August.

This is obviously my kitchen (note to self: replace dingy old dish towels with crisp white ones). The stack of papers on the left is my novel. I can't bring myself to tuck it away in some drawer. I guess I just feel like it needs to breathe until it sells :)

This is the little dining space at the end of the kitchen. To the left it looks a bit cluttery on top of the cabinet, but those are pictures of my dad, incense and candles. To the right I have a chair for meditating. I've wanted to get rid of it, but when I meditate in bed, nine times out of ten it turns into a nap.

...especially when candles are lit. The plaque reads: "Bless our Home" in Arabic.

This is my bedroom... and exactly what I envisioned before I found the apartment. Behind the double doors is the bathroom and a small dressing room or walk-in closet.

This is my office. Looks familiar, eh?

This is the view I usually wake up to. That's Kylee. She's a lot more fun than she looks. She was just tired of taking pictures that day, and was no doubt wishing she was out herding tombstones behind our apartment.

(From the kitchen) Yes, I do still hang things on the walls. This one is my favorite:

Courage... and sometimes a shovel.

Speaking of shovels... there is nothing minimalistic about this. It looks very cluttered, and I don't like it. But I'm having a hard time letting go of this shoe organizer. I like being able to see these things. It keeps me from purchasing batteries, thread, white-out, Thank-you cards, etc., because I can remember I already have them. Once I decide to move them to a drawer, I will have figured out a really good way to keep them organized in there, so I still remember what I have. I own a lifetime supply of staples, 3x5 cards and white-out from storing them in drawers, then buying more, because I'd forgotten I already had plenty.

This is my closet (note to self: spring for matching, opaque, storage containers). Four of the seven storage containers above hold photos. I've decided these are going to play a big role in Christmas gifts this year. The red one is Xmas ornaments (sooo not ready to minimize those - LOVE Xmas), and the purple one contains writing projects and a set of jelly jar glasses an old friend gave me for my 40th birthday, which I love. Can't part with them - period. The last container holds my summer clothes, a handmade set of curtains from Damascus, a couple of gorgeous tablecloths from Damascus and two yellow towels I use for jobs which I wouldn't dare use a white towel - a.k.a. dog adventures gone awry. The piece of glass you see leaning against the wall to the right is a coffee table I always envisioned in the apartment, but once I actually found it I wasn't sure I really wanted it. It's heavy and takes up a lot of space - not my style now. Don't be surprised if it's on Craigslist before Christmas. It's six feet long. I thought it would be nice when I have friends over for dinner... before I realized I live in a neighborhood full of great restaurants. Still mulling this over.

If I find a picture of my previous closets, I will definitely post them here. I had three closets, each almost twice as big as this one and all three were crammed full. This one contains my clothing, shoes, coats, jewelry, luggage, printer and a spare blanket.

My bathroom... the mirror reads: "I am so happy and grateful I have the world's greatest agent, and he sold my novel today." He will soon, at which point I'll just change it to read "my 2nd novel" :)

Odd to have a saying about hope over your toilet, I know... but this is where I get ready to face the day too. It reads: "Once you choose hope, anything's possible."

The bag hanging on the back of the door is a bit cluttery, I know. But it's uber-covenient, as it holds all of Kylee's leashes, treats, toys, etc. The bag reads: “She is too fond of books, and it has addled her brain." -Louisa May Alcott. The quote on the wall was a fortieth birthday gift from my Great Aunt Carol: "Home is where your story begins." -Annie Danielson. This is to the left of my bed and I love waking up to it.

***

In other news...

I met my awesome friend, Anna, for coffee Friday night. She's a professional organizer in a class by herself. Anna will never, ever, take you to The Container Store. She's a firm believer in working with what you have, because she says your problem is not that you don't have a good enough system. The problem lies between your ears. She can determine right away what the real issue is behind your organizing dilemna, and there is no problem too big or too small. I love hearing about her clients. She is always saying she has the best job in the world. Anna and I met while working with seniors. She's now devoting that time to her clients, as well. She personally handles a broad spectrum of organizing challenges across Chicagoland: http://www.freshlookorganizing.com/about.html

Burn the Boxes, for Pete's Sake

2011-10-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

Confession time... itching to minimize again... taking stock. What can go? Hmmm... why am I saving all these moving boxes?? Yes, it's true. I've realized the things taking up the most space in and above my one closet are empty boxes. I love printer paper boxes with their little snug-fitting lids. They're perfect for moving. Tape a few together, throw some beautiful curtains over them, and they make a great, little, makeshift table, which is also easily stored http://www.missminimalist.com/2011/10/real-life-minimalists-sheri/. But do I really need these?

I told myself I'd swap something old out whenever I bought something new. Well, I'd envisioned a simple glass-top coffee table along with my futon in my new apartment, long before I even found my sublet. When I happened onto one exactly like I'd imagined for only $25 I could hardly believe it. But did I toss my boxes? No. This has me laughing and perplexed. Do I really think I'll never cross paths with another printer paper box? Hardly. I've just come up with a much better solution than burning them though, one which puts me more at ease. Let someone else enjoy their niftyness via Craigslist. If you've never scored free moving boxes off Craigslist, it's kind of a fun little adventure.

I am hereby shedding the habit of saving things simply because I know I will need them in the future. Can you say clutter? Will I move again? Yes. Will I want nifty little boxes with snug-fitting lids? Of course. Will they stop manufacturing them? Doubtful. Will the world stop using printer paper? Not likely. I found them once. I can find them again. If I can manifest exactly the kind of home I want (only better), surely I can manifest more boxes. Be free, little boxes! Run like the wind!

Using Your Dreams to Simplify Your Life

2011-10-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like everyone else has all the answers? It's an illusion. The only person who has all of the genuine answers to your challenges, a.k.a. opportunities for growth, is you... and they're so much closer than you think. In fact, they're right inside your head, inside your subconscious, to be exact.

I'm not talking about writing down your dreams and then consulting a book, a psychic or a website to interpret the symbols. I'm talking about something much more personal ergo far more powerful. The truth is there are very few universal symbols, so I don't personally put a lot of stock in dream interpretation. Take a red wagon for example. Maybe a red wagon was your prized possession when you were a kid. Or maybe the bully in your neighborhood had an old red wagon, and one day he tied you to it and sent you careening down Dead Man's Hill. In one way or another, it's our life experiences which naturally determine each and every one of our symbols.

I used to have a hypnotherapy practice. Hypnosis was interesting and rewarding work, but it was Hypnotic Dreamwork I found absolutely fascinating. I was constantly amazed by the clever and often hilarious symbols which appeared in my clients' dreams. I was also mesmerized by the self-healing aspect of the work. I delighted in gently guiding them through their own metamorphosis. Discovering they already possessed all the answers was so empowering for them, I found they actually looked quite different at the end of their sessions, almost illuminated from within. I hung a mirror in my office specifically for these clients.

Several years after I'd closed my practice and begun writing, I discovered I easily reached a similar trance state when writing. One morning I'd had an exceptionally bizarre and haunting dream, and decided to experiment. Instead of talking my way through the process I wrote it out. It worked, and it was unbelievable. I mean, just chocked full of major self-discoveries.

It doesn't matter how perplexed we are by our dreams in the waking state. In trance all of the meanings and answers become crystal clear. All of the characters in our dreams are quite forthcoming with any information we need. It's a very peaceful, yet exciting experience.

I've always wanted to share this technique, which I call Dream Solving, on a larger scale. Why look to someone else to tell you what your subconscious already knows better than anyone else? The writing process is simple and fun. Even when it's an upsetting dream, you come out of it feeling uplifted by your ability to resolve your conflicts and break down barriers that had previously held you back. It is perfectly safe and quite enjoyable. Think about it this way, each night your mind is serving up opportunities for you to work through life's challenges and grow. Why not take full advantage of that wonderful, self-cleaning brain of yours?

If you think you'd be interested in an inexpensive, very easy-to-understand, one-day-read, complete with worksheets, let me know. It would be so fun to share this technique with as many people as possible and hear how well it works for them. When it comes to therapy, what is simpler than putting pencil to paper?

In addition, if you're someone who has always had difficulty remembering your dreams, no worries, There's a simple technique for that, as well.

Carpe Diem! Simplify!

10 Questions to Minimize Your Wardrobe

2011-10-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

Looking back, I took several swipes at it to get it down to a quarter of the outfits I used to own. Some of these are going to make you laugh, but they're definitely worth including.

1.   Do I like this? (you'll be surprised how many times the answer is an emphatic NO)

2.   Does it fit me the way it should... or at all?

3.   How do I feel when I wear it? (physically AND emotionally)

4.   DO I ever wear it??

5.   Any memories attached to this item? (If negative, why carry that junk around?)

6.   Am I keeping this because it was a gift?
     (have a friend who now marries people in a gorgeous ensemble I'd never worn - yipee!)

7.   Is this the message I want to send the world about me?

8.   Does this color look good on me? (sometimes it's beautiful... just not on you)

9.   Do I know someone else who would love this... or look absolutely smashing in it?

10. Have I worn this in the past year? (If no, there's a reason. I guarantee it. Set it free.)

* If these don't do the trick, have a teenage niece come over and play What Not To Wear with you in your closet. You'll end up with three outfits you're allowed to wear in public, and they won't be anything you ever would've put together. Everytime I get rid of an article of clothing I can still hear my niece saying, "Are you an old Hawaiian woman? Then why do you own this!?"

TV and Highly Sensitive People

2011-09-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

I'm occasionally reminded that I don't own a television. I always have to stop and see how that feels, take inventory. Are we okay? Yes, we're still okay. In fact, we're better than okay. We're thriving.

Growing up on a farm, I LOVED watching TV whenever we were allowed. It was my link to the rest of the world, including fashion. God forbid I'd been denied rainbow suspenders, leg warmers and Fonzie socks. One of my biggest fears was that there wouldn't be TV in heaven. That was back when we had three channels, four when the weather was particularly good. The freakish multitude of channels today boggles my mind. I find it absolutely overwhelming. I know there's still good stuff in there somewhere, but how do you not get lost in all the crap searching for it? And how do you have a life? Maybe it's because I'm a writer and they say writers find everything interesting, but a TV seems like such a dangerous thing to have around if you want to get anything done. I had a lot of big things I wanted to accomplish. The TV had to go.

Long before I gave away my last TV, I had taken major sabbaticals, leaving it in storage or giving it to a family member to keep for a while when I felt I'd been watching too much. After storing it for over a year when I began writing my first novel, I was cured. I don't miss it. To the contrary, I quite enjoy carefully selecting who and what I give access to my subconscious. I still watch movies, and I adore documentaries, but I no longer have any time whatsoever for pointless, mindless junk. Now, whenever I catch a few minutes of television in a waiting room, a hotel room or at a friend's house, I feel like I've landed on another planet. I don't know any of the shows or commericals it seems. It makes me laugh... partly in relief and partly in disbelief that my attitude toward TV has changed so much, but then so has television.

When I was an improv student at Second City, it was drummed into us that we had to know absolutely everything that was going on in the world at all times, especially when it came to news and pop culture. It took a long time to retire that belief and replace it with a more practical one. If something is really important, it will find its way to me. My aunt had a hard time with this when she realized that I no longer watched even the local news. She insisted knowing what was happening in my own community was crucial. I argued that it only bogged me down, that I no longer like the way even my former love, NPR, makes me feel these days. I miss the mostly uplifting segments like Fresh Air, Radio Lab and The Story, especially. But I don't miss hearing the daily accounts of global gloom, doom and war. I simply don't need it. It's toxic, on some level. It's not that I don't care about human suffering, but I honestly feel the best thing I can do for the world, others and myself, is remain as positive and hopeful as possible... and spread that. I don't mind being called 'Pollyanna' anymore. These days, I take it as a compliment.

Maybe it boils down to sticking with what I do best. I recently came across a book by Dr. Elaine N. Aron titled The Highly Sensitive Person. http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm While it has not yet arrived, I already know it's going to be a life-changer. She has an excellent website complete with self tests to help determine whether or not you may be a highly sensitive person. In what I have read so far, I've determined she's spent a great deal of time studying topics that have always interested me. I've long been intrigued by the fact that highly creative people tend to be more sensitive than others to all kinds of things, including: sugar, caffeine, light and lack of it, pain, gossip, movies, music, TV, books, etc. I am beyond excited to read her work.

CASH

2011-08-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

I'd love to report that I always remember my mantra: "Everything is unfolding as it should for my greatest good." Alas, I sometimes remember it after a bunch of sighing, a pinch of grumbling and a dash of profanity... as was the case with my bank.

It's not a bad little bank. The employees are always kind and helpful, but with my change in day job hours, banking there suddenly became so ridiculously inconvenient I began daydreaming of abandoning financial institutions altogether.

My bank is near my office, but now it's closed several hours before I arrive at work and for several hours after I leave work. I have to make special trips down to ye old work neighborhood just to deposit my check, because ye old employer doesn't believe in direct deposit.

Fed up, I resorted to a 24-hr currency exchange so brightly lit I half-expected a Vegas showgirl to cash my check. She had Vegas hair and makeup, but wore khakis and a polo. Still, it was a nice alterantive to traditonal teller-wear. Then, horror of horrors, she called my employer. I cringed, and immediately phoned the office to explain. There I go... explaining again.

WAS everything unfolding as it should for my greatest good? Because eventually I did begin to think about it. Aha! Of course it was. I'd been brainwashed. I'd grown accustomed to never having cash in my wallet. I used my debit card for everything. Guess what? When I began paying for everything in cash, for the first time in over twenty years, I suddenly became more conscious of where my money was going. As it turns out, a mad stampede from my wallet is a lot louder than one from my checking account. Money fleeing my checking account actually sounds like a constant hum, one I didn't even notice anymore. I used tell myself I'd balance my account tomorrow. I could do this for two or three weeks. Now I just open my wallet for a quick assessment. More often than not I already know exactly what's in there. Did you know there's a lot less rationalizing and guilt involved when you deal in cash?

Cash is simple. Simple is good. 24-hour banking through bullet-proof glass is only as weird as I allow it to be.

Once again, I've found myself seemingly swimming upstream, challenging the status quo... then realizing it is actually swimming downstream. The route I've discovered is actually easier for me and the path of least resistance.

LOA Dream

2011-08-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

I had the most incredible dream the other night. I've been listening to CDs by Esther and Jerry Hicks on The Law of Attraction. They're channeled and absolutely incredible: http://www.abraham-hickslawofattraction.com/lawofattractionstore/product/AUB-LOA.html.

In my dream a woman's voice was guiding me, but I never saw her. She set up scenarios in which all my buttons were pushed - situations that typically upset me to a great degree. Once inside the scenario, I would forget it had been arranged and I would get sucked right in and become very hurt, frustrated or angry every time. She arranged things like betrayals by boyfriends and best friends, hijinks with family members I have a long history of conflict with, money stress, food stress, poor children neglected and suffering and family members in danger. Each time when I would get good and worked-up, she'd pull me out of the scenario and somehow, in a completely non-judgemental way, she'd be kind of giggling. Then she'd say, "See what a waste of energy that was?" I'd feel like a dork and find myself laughing along with her. Then we'd do another one. This went on all night long, and made quite a lasting impression. I find myself thinking of it every time I start to get my undies in a bunch about the littlest thing now. I can think of a million better ways to spend my energy!

Resisting the Urge to Explain

2011-08-16T02:54:00.000-07:00

My maintenance man was fixing my door knob the other day. Bless his heart, he seemed to be trying his hardest not to gawk at the absence of furniture, etc. Part of me wanted to put him at ease, explain that I hadn't been robbed, hadn't been through an awful divorce, hadn't taken up crack, drinking or gambling. It was a struggle initially, but I resisted. If I really want to embrace this lifestyle, I need to be fine with it all the way around. I've always had great difficulty withstanding other people feeling uncomfortable. What a great opportunity to address this issue.

Simply Happy Birthdays

2011-08-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

I turned 41 this week! I celebrated with a pedicure and a new top both from my human-cupcake-of-a-niece and my sister-outlaw (that's a former sister-in-law). A few days later, I celebrated some more. I had my first visitor and overnight guest in my new minimalistic apartment. She loved it! In fact, she said it was so peaceful it felt like being on an island! It was the greatest compliment evah! Mission accomplished! I had to laugh and tell my friend Kelly, who had given me her extra copy of Castaway last year, which I've just about worn out.

I've been eating raw foods for over two months now, but slipped up on my birthday, and continued to slip up for four days. There was a great lesson in this though. I had originally planned to serve raw and vegan food at my wine-infused slumber party, but I worried some people wouldn't care for it and would be hungry. So I changed my mind and ordered Arabic food. Looking back, the thought of having all my favorite Arabic dishes in my apartment and not being able to eat them is what really sent me careening off my raw path, even main-lining Taco Bell at times - yikes! Things came up at the last minute: friends' car troubles, friends' dogs contracting kennel cough, etc. It wound up being just my vegetarian friend and I, and while we had a blast, she'd really been looking forward to trying my vegan Pad Thai. We talked all night and barely touched all the Arabic food I'd ordered. We both would've been better off had I gone with my original, simpler plan. I've always gone overboard trying to accomodate others, when I'm better off following my instincts. I wasted a lot of money and time I could've spent feeling much better physically and emotionally. Live and learn. I feel like I've eaten a bunch of rocks for four days for nothing... delicious rocks mind you, but rocks all the same. My stomach apparently prefers the simpler life too.

Although, I must add... I am still deliriously happy with my decision to ban scales from my life. This would've been a much bigger set-back had I still been focused on pointless numbers. As it stands right now, I know I goofed. I'm back on track. Did I gain? Yeah, sure, but I don't know how much and I don't care. It's irrelevant. I'm still wearing the jeans I haven't worn in seven years, the ones I had hoped to get into by the end of the summer, but have instead been wearing since the beginning of July! I'm just going to continue moving in the same direction... toward those smaller sizes in my closet and new adventures. I've already forgiven myself.

Our Greatest Good

2011-07-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

When you've had your heart broken, it can be really tough to clear your mind and get the good energy and feelings flowing through you again. Do everything you can to make it happen. It's worth it and the results are immediate. Good things will start careening your way so fast your head will spin. Sound like a crock? I'm living it - broken heart and all. I'm not putting those two pathetic little words out there again, though. My heart's on the mend. My trust might take a little longer, but it'll get there.

Last night, we were still experiencing blistering temperatures her in Chi-town. There were no air conditioners to be found. I had to repeat my mantra many times, "Everything is unfolding as it should for my greatest good." As the last of my makeup dripped onto my lap, I finally began to believe it again. I honestly think that was the turning point after several rough days of feeling angry and frustrated with men and all things romantic. I drove home, walked my dog, filled the tub with cool water and watched a movie. It was such a lovely, simple, quiet evening. Fantastic ideas began to emerge from the peace. I felt happy again. I even remained calm when the electricity went out, even though I'd been settling in to write. I rolled with it, literally. I grabbed my skateboard and took the dog out again. The power was back on within thirty minutes, but I decided to turn in early. I have trouble remembering to just relax and do nothing sometimes and even more trouble remembering that I'm allowed. Recharging is just as important as everything else, friends.

We went to the dog beach this morning, and got caught in another huge thunderstorm on the way home, but we had a blast. The day was off to a fabulous start. Later, at the post office I got in a bit of a snit when I waited my turn in a very long line only to find out I needed a special form to mail my package to Canada. I had my little tantrum (sorry to say), filled out the form, wrote a card to my grandma and got back in line. While in line, a man started talking to me about the heat and the news. I told him I had detoxed from the news and and many other things in an effort to simplify my life. We wound up having the greatest conversation. He said, "When I was in my twenties, I had nothing. Life was simple, and I was happy. Then I acquired a bunch of stuff and it really weighs you down... just like the news. I've only watched one channel this past year. You're right, I should simplify even more. So lovely to meet you! I ran into you for a reason!"

I couldn't have agreed more! Once again, everything turned around. I got the same lady when it was time to mail my package. I apologized for my earlier tantrum and told her what had just happened. I also told her I was now grateful I'd had to get back in line, and that I try to remember everything is happening as it should for my greatest good, but sometimes it's really hard. She got a good laugh out of it. We both did.

I've detoxed from junk food, cooked food, soda, owning too much junk, TV, news, newspapers, NPR, toxic relationships, unfulfilling relationships, the internet (no, I don't have it at home anymore - wifi, baby) and stinkin' thinkin'. Is it any coincidence everything I've needed has magically shown-up today from an uber-powerful fan like the one I sold and thought they didn't make anymore (only better!) to baby cucumbers! Clear your mind and you clear a path for whatever it is that you need... to find you in record time.

You really can have whatever kind of day you choose. Love it, love, it, love it! Carpe Diem!

Cave Woman at Heart

2011-07-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

Did you ever think maybe we weren't meant to have seventy-two kinds of cough medicine to sort through when we're already so congested we can barely stand upright? Or ninety-seven kinds of cereal to choose from? We weren't. We're being set up.

Feeling overwhelmed? Been to a Super Walmart lately? Yes, I've managed to piece together why I hated going to Walmart and preferred to run into Dollar General for toiletries - too many choices and too much of a committment! In and out has always been the way I've shopped. Not a big fan of the mall. I get the hunting aspect, but I must come from a line of cave people who relied on strategy more than anything.

I do have blood type O Positive, which is said to be the oldest - caveman blood. I think I was designed to own what I can carry, to be free to explore and discover and tell stories of my discoveries by firelight... and just live. I do not believe I was designed to accumulate a bunch of crap so I have to stay in one place and do the same things over and over again inside a car or building for years and years, in order to maintain said crap.

What were you designed for?

Clearing the Toxins from Your Life

2011-07-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

I'm thoroughly enjoying my new, tranquil writing oasis! Aside from the lake house where I started my first novel, this is the most peaceful, quiet, healing space I've ever lived in... in downtown Chicago, of all places! Actually, 'Uptown' to be exact. Not only is my new, tiny, white studio ultra-minimalistic, but the entire building is so crisp and clean I can hardly believe it. Everything is not only just as I'd hoped, but even better. Things I need are popping up practially the minute I need them - really. Beautiful parking spaces are a cinch to find even late at night. It really is a magical time in my life.

That being said, I've also experienced a break-up and the loss of a very close and treasured friendship. While I wouldn't consider either one of these people toxic, they were adding to my stress load, especially over the past few days. I will be forever thankful they came into my life, but for whatever reason, it looks as if it is time for me to let go of these relationships. Light and energy do not flow through me very easily anymore when I think of them or interact with them. I feel heavy and sad. That is painful, but it needs to be addressed and released. I am moving in an exciting direction with minimalism, the law of attraction and raw foods. I feel a new kind of energy surging through me, and I am going to do whatever I need to do to support it and create more of it. Letting go of painful relationships is a big part of that, as challenging as that can be.

I'm feeling much lighter in spite of the pain I've experienced with the loss of these two relationships. One, I really felt was the love of my life. I catch glimpses of clarity at times which I'd chosen to ignore before though, like bits of sapphire ocean peeking through billowing white sheers. I don't think he could have ever given me some of the vital things that I need in a relationship, the deeper connection, the deeper sharing. In the end, he did not feel for me what I felt for him. So we're free now. I'm free to be myself again instead of making myself and my pretty basic needs smaller and smaller so as not to overwhelm him. That felt awful and very counterproductive to my own evolution. Someone out there will love me just the way I am and until we cross paths, I am having a love affair with myself. Today I went for a run with my dog and it felt fantastic! My former lover is free to be himself and grow at his own pace as well. I am determined to see this for the win/win that it really is!

This lighter sensation is tied into my eating as well. I've reached a surprising new milestone in my raw food adventure! I don't want heavier foods, don't like the way they make me feel. I guess the wild part is things I never would've considered heavy foods are now falling into this category like: sunflower seeds, bananas and nuts! Seriously! Makes me think if I had some pasta or a slice of pizza now, I wouldn't be able to move!

In law of attraction news... I think the most magical moment was when I burned the sage in my new apartment to clear our any negative residual energy. I know this sounds super-airy-fairy, but I've done it before and managed to create a really tranquil, healing space in what had formerly been a place of much conflict, illness and sadness. I had begun envisioning burning the sage the moment I saw photos of the apartment online and decided I had to have it, which seems like mere weeks ago. To really be burning the sage such a short time later seemed miraculous. In actuallity it's been not quite three weeks since I saw the apartment and eight weeks since I put this whole moving plan into action. The universe really must not like hesitation, because the moment I jumped in with both feet, everything started falling right into place like dominoes.

Speaking of anger, I really want to work on this area - I'm talking a major overhaul. I'm a pretty happy person for the most part, but I have some very old wounds which were exacerbated during my year in Iowa to the point where they feel as if they are wide-open and almost attracting pain and conflict. When someone even touches that wound by either lying to me or lying about me, I go off the deep end. It is my least favorite part of myself and something I am determined to change. I cannot control what others do or say. I can only control how I respond. Right now, I have a bizarre desire to tattoo this on my forehead and carry a hand mirror with me at all times. The friendship I ended could have been saved, but instead I chose to hold onto the anger. Why? The relationship with the lover could have remained a friendship, possibly still could, but I am protecting myself with space and silence. Why?

Minimizing questions like 'why' are usually really helpful to me, so I will continue to ask why until I reach the answers at the core. Carpe Diem.

Room for Improvement

2011-06-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm about to start packing the car and I'm feeling sad. I've downsized CONSIDERABLY, but it still looks like so much more than I thought it would.

Here is what I've learned so far... sentimental items are much more difficult to part with than I ever thought they'd be. I tell myself it's okay not to keep every little thing someone ever gave me, but it feels cold to part with these things, especially if the person is deceased. My friend Kelly is going to try taking pictures of some of her belongings before she parts with them. We joke that we can then look at the picture, remember the item and hold it, and love it, and squeeze it, and call it George. It's whacked, I know. I'm working on it.

I still have too many clothes in a wide range of sizes. I'm shrinking though, so I'll be able to part with a lot more of them by the end of the summer! Yesterday I got into my favorite capris from '04! A special thank you goes out to raw foods and the inventor of the Ripstik... and that kid at Target who didn't think I could do it can kiss my ass.

I've learned that I want visitors, therefore I must hang onto enough bedding for guests - that takes up a lot of space in the car.

Last but not least, I've learned that I really don't give myself enough credit. The fact that I've whittled it all down to two carloads from two moving trucks (two storage spaces that were in two different states) is a very big deal. This is a huge accomplishment. So I will suck it up, quit whining, give myself a little credit and remember this all started just a couple of months ago and I've done a hell of a job, so far. Stands to reason I'm only going to continue to get better at this! I do, after all, come from a family of packrats and hoarders. I am going against the grain of my genetic coding here!

Space for More Love

2011-06-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Expanding on relationships here... this past month has been an absolute joy! I've had a lot more time for friends, family, rekindled old friendhsips and even made some incredible new friends. As a result, I feel happier than ever! This is where it's at for me. I love having time for heartfelt talks and the sharing of inspiring ideas... not to mention skateboarding! :) Yes, I've taken it up at 40... almost 41! But how can one not when one's nine-year-old nephew says, "I can't believe you're doing this! This is almost the best day of my life!"

I always feel more open-hearted and deeply connected to people when I'm raw, but this month has been out-of-this-world with no job to tether me to things I could care less about. I feel like I've never been more authentically me, never had the energy of the universe flow through me with such force. All the giving has been pure bliss too - magical things happen when you give! Like, I gave all my raw food books and some DVDs to my Raw Food Meetup so they could start a Raw Library - a good bunch of raw recipes can really save you when you're hanging on by your fingernails. Then magically... an awesome friend from my writers group gave me a fabulous, new raw book with the quickest, easiest recipes I've ever seen :) Love it, love it, love it!

In other Law of Attraction News... my first sublet experience has been pretty darn magical too! I had the ultimate challenge of finding a two-month sublet that would allow a dog. I found one... yes, ONE. It was only for a month, but I said that was okay, I'd keep looking for something else for August. Out of the kindness of her heart, this woman spoke to her landlord and convinced her to extend the sublet a second month! Then she let her deposit ride another month, so I don't even have to provide a deposit! Then she told me she was leaving the net hooked up for me! The landlord has been just as kind and helpful, doing everything through phone, email and fax (I could be a Hell's Angels recruiter with an enviable collection of weapons and a raging case of bed bugs for all they know - no offense to any fine members of Hell's Angels, of course) and it's a lot of extra paperwork with the extended lease - just beautiful, kind-hearted people. I never thought I'd be so excited to live in a studio again - hilarious!

Speaking of which... I am still nowhere near that mythical '100 things', but I HAVE downsized a two-bedroom place into a two-carload place. I refused to rent another moving vehicle. My great aunt didn't want me to waste my money on a storage unit for twelve boxes and I loathed the idea of having a storage unit ever again (how anti-minimalist can you get!?), so she offered her basement! I'll come back in August to get those boxes and have a lovely visit with her and my cousin, no doubt. :)

The Raw Foods Meetup I started a few months ago had another potluck Sunday and man, are they off and running! Kristen & Danielle have really taken the bull by the horns (but not harmed him in any way, but let him graze freely and NOT eat him - lol) and more people are joining all the time! http://www.meetup.com/The-Waterloo-Raw-Foods-Meetup-Group/ I'm so excited for them. Everyone's making such mouth-watering dishes too - especially desserts! Yes, that black forest cake photo is a real cake Kristen made - unbelievable! She's a photographer too, which explains why it looks like something out of Martha Stewart's Living.

Time to get busy and finish up this grand packing/minimizing project! Can you BELIEVE this all started in May with an innocent conversation about a volcano!? Baaahaaahaaahaaa! Carpe Diem, people!

Making space for better relationships

2011-06-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

I had an incredible 'moving party' last night. There was no moving, only talking around a campfire and giving more of my belongings away. It was a small party, but really beautiful in that people came together who normally wouldn't spend a great deal of time together, and they shared a plethora of interesting stories and experiences. I am so grateful to have had this time and space for these once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I don't believe in accidents. I believe we all cross each others' paths for a reason and last night we all grew and maybe even changed a bit for the better. I'm really fortunate to have so many great friends and family members. Simplifying my life has already made space for much more quality time with people I love and care about. It has made me happier than ever.

Raw Staples

2011-06-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

You may be wondering if I subsist on raw pizza, ice cream and brownies... far from it. Those delicacies are for special occasions or days when you think you may have lost your mind swimming upstream as a raw foodist. A little treat can carry you a long way. No, my breakfast is usually fruit or what I call 'chia meal' - chia seeds, hot water, one apple, raisins and cinnamon pureed in the Vitamix - YUM. Lunch is also usually fruit. Dinner is almost always a huge Romaine or spinach salad with sunflower seeds, onions, vegetables, raisins and a garlic vinaigrette. If I'm on the go, it's a raw salad from Subway or any decent sub shop. I just have to watch out for the canned veggies. Also, to clarify, I am not 100% raw. I'd say I'm about 90% and I'm happy with that. I still drink organic wine from time to time. I'm not a big drinker, just a few times a year, but I like to know I can have some wine when I feel like it. Maybe that will change... maybe it won't. I also bend some when it comes to nuts and seeds. I hope to usher cooked nuts and seeds out at the end of the summer. Right now it's just too convenient to kiss off trail mix.

My friend Linda asked me today how raw has anything to do with simplifying my life. she said it sounded complicated. I told her it becomes very simple when you decide you're primarily going to eat raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds! Frankly, I don't like having so many choices. it overwhelms and paralyzes me. I don't need to choose from 72 cereals, 56 cough medicines, 37 chapsticks... really. Give me three to choose from and I'm good. Better yet, make it really simple and give me one to choose from so I can get the hell out of there and do something fun with someone fun!

The current BEST raw ice cream, pizza and brownie!

2011-06-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today I had lunch at Ecopolitan in Minneapolis and experienced a raw pizza so good I wanted to ROLL IN IT. This is the best raw pizza in the world... in my humble opinion. It was an 'EcoSausage' pizza with a crispy crust piled high with marinated mushrooms, green peppers and raw 'sausage'. The really crazy thing is that I HATE green peppers - loathe them, but all I could think of while eating this heavenly slice was Godfather's combination pizza with sausage and green peppers - apparently an exception to my green pepper rule from waaay back.

I was test-driving the place for my friend and my boyfriend. The three of us are having dinner at Ecopolitan tonight. I was a little nervous for them, because they're just discovering raw and I definitely didn't want it being misrepresented - no worries! The bruschetta was great and so was the carob not-cookie. It was quiet and clean, and the dining room was clutter free. This is important to me. I don't mind if there's a store attached to a raw food restaurant or even a spa, but keep the dining area clean, bright and free of clutter, please. It really does heighten my dining experience.

So to date huge congratulations go out to:

Crudiste in Montreal, Canada for the BEST RAW ICE CREAM ON THE PLANET (12 out-of-this-world flavors!) and for having the most inspiring, peaceful, minimalistic space! Kudos, Georgia!!

Cruessence in Montreal, Canada for the BEST RAW FROSTED BROWNIE ON THE PLANET!

Ecopolitan in Minneapolis, MN for the BEST RAW PIZZA ON THE PLANET!

Where to next!? :)

A Woman's Closet

2011-06-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

Catharsis redefined... I just about cried when I reduced my bloated wardrobe a second time the other day, cutting it down to less than a quarter of what it used to be. All of my hangers match now! Once I really started being honest with myself about all the clothes I wore, but hated, it went very fast. It was even FUN! I let go of a lot of outfits my former husband had liked and not liked and had commented on accordingly. Who needs that commentary running through their subconscious every time they go to their closet? I also asked myself if this was the message I wanted to send to people as I scrutinized each article of clothing. More than half the stuff I owned was not saying good things about me. Then there were all the items that were the wrong size. I'm losing weight pretty quickly as a result of eating raw foods again, so I kept a few sharp pieces that were just out of my reach - mostly dresses. I ditched the rest. Let's be honest, I want to buy new up-to-date outfits I love as I continue to shrink! I had eight pairs of black pants. There's nothing too minimalistic about keeping four of them, but I never said I was perfect - lol.

The kitchen was my last big frontier. Just like the bedroom, I'd already cleared out quite a bit, but it still took an entire day. Both projects took a movie marathon playing in the background for moral support - all my old favorites.

I just have the shed left now and that's going to be a pleasure cruise compared to the bedroom and kitchen. Mind you, I am nowhere near owning just 100 things, but I have given a ton away and sold a few too. Saturday I'm having a party to free myself of even more - I am on fire!

On another note, long ago I noticed I had a real soft spot for movies about death and dying. Something tells me I've blogged on this before, but I've been thinking about how it relates to minimalism lately. In movies like My Life and One True Thing, the terminally ill main character in each is like a phoenix emerging from the flames as they sort out their life, clear up relationship problems and get their affairs in order. Their lives suddenly become very simple. It quickly becomes quite clear what is really important and what is not. PEOPLE are important. THINGS are NOT. I feel the characters become their truest selves - the best version of themselves, a thing of beauty. Why would you wait until you were dying to do this, when you can do it now??? Carpe Diem! Get your life in order. Say the things you need to say. Do the things you need to do. Make SPACE in your life for the really important things - friends and family, personal growth, love, joy and peace.

The Truth About Minimizing Your Stuff

2011-06-19T10:25:00.000-07:00

I have to be really honest with you. Some of this is going to be hard and scary, but push through. I had lumped the majority of things I had left to sort into one room. Then I dreaded the day I would have to sort through the worst of it: mountains of pictures, letters, cards, journals, tons of writing, etc. Today is that day. I'm only half way through it. I will finish it today, though. The pictures are the hardest. I've read a lot of minimalists' blogs and none that I've seen so far have addressed this. Yes, I can store them all digitally, but it would take me months. I have more pressing issues. Still, I cannot part with them. My parents are gone - one deceased and one completely off the rails. I am the keeper of all the family pictures. I imagine myself going through them with family someday when I'm much older. There are thousands of negatives in addition to all the photos. All I can do today is organize them a little and box them up for safe keeping. There's a great song by John Mayer about trying to fit the world inside a picture frame... I'm working on this problem, John. Baby steps. I will reach a point where I do not want to hang on to all of those pictures, but I am clearly not there yet. There are some gray areas for me, plenty.

That being said, I only began minimizing my belongings less than two months ago. I've made great strides! I have to give myself credit. I now own much, much, much less. I also have to be perfectly clear that this has not been some big, long, never ending picnic. It is a really tough self-examination at times. I had far too much to keep track of and take care of. It was weighing me down in ways I didn't even realize. I had a lot of feelings toward my belongings that I didn't realize either. There are things we face everyday that will stir up negative feelings. That is unavoidable. However, we can change what we are seeing most of the time and change our thoughts as well. It is another story to essentially choose to marinate in negative feelings dredged up by the belongings with which we surround ourselves. It is no wonder a bare room feels so uplifting. I used to love antiques, but now they feel heavy to me, heavy with history. Not that I want to surround myself with all things made fifteen minutes ago either. I prefer space - clean, light, energy-charging space.

Now I must get back to 'the room' and create that space. Before I do, I just want to quickly say that I had struggled since I'd returned home from my trip, to make peace with the time I am spending minimizing. Now that I was home I felt downright panicky about not working for a month. I felt irresponsible and stressed. Suddenly my head was filled with thoughts of getting into Chicago and getting right to work to make some money. I started fighting ghosts in my head who were judging me for wasting time when I should be working. Then I balanced my checkbook, realized I would be okay and set myself straight. How many times in my life will I have a window of opportunity like this to sort through all of my belongings and discard the vast majority of what has been weighing me down!? This is a magical time in my life, and I intend to make the most of it. This year has been life-changing in so many ways, but the biggest, clearly is the way it has helped me determine how I do and do not want to live my life. I am taking action. I am making the necessary changes and fast. As for the people I am afraid of being judged by... would they ever have the guts for such an undertaking? I have to remember that. They may think I've lost my mind and minimalism may not be for everyone, but I am simply taking my life into my hands like never before and I am going to mold and shape it into exactly what I want it to be.

On a lighter note, it's interesting the things we save. I've noticed I've saved a lot of things just because I thought I was supposed to like, old bills, manuals to every contraption I own (which I will never read) and bunches of computer cords that go to God-knows-what.

A Vacation from My Vacation

2011-06-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

That's all it is... tomorrow and each day... until my next adventure. I am going to live my life the way I really want and no one can stop me... or YOU! :)

Raw Inspiration!

2011-06-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Montreal and discovered the most incredible raw restaurant... Cru Vitalite. It is the most beautiful fusion of raw foods and minimalism you will ever see. It's pure genius - absolutely rocked my world. Georgia, brace yourself... you've created a temple. If you build it, they will come... take it from an honest-to-God Iowan. We are talking twelve incredibly delicious flavors of raw ice cream, people... chocolate sauce to die for... AND raw cones! We are talking raw pizza. We are talking too many raw cookies, crackers and delicasies to count. We are talking one stunning raw goddess who had the guts to create something so beautiful it makes me want to cry, while raising five children - two of them autistic and several others with learning challenges, while juggling marriage and her own journey to heal her body, mind and spirit - WOW. We are talking obstruction-blasting live food and wide open spaces. We are talking wheat grass and healing. We are talking love. Thank you, thank you, thank you Georgia, for creating this magical place and taking the time to visit with us and share your heart - the absolute highlight of my trip to Canada!

Incidentally, we left Montreal much later than we'd planned after visiting Cru Vitalite not once, but twice. However, I assured Kara traffic would be a dream... and it was :)

Best Raw Brownie On the Planet Update:
As you may or may not know, I am also a professional raw brownie evaluator, a self-appointed expert, if you will. I must give credit where credit is due. Crudessence in Montreal holds the current title as of yesterday - frosting and everything. The texture is authentically brownie and the flavor was out of this world!

Vacation Brain

2011-06-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

Part of me feels a little twinge of panic once in a while, that somewhere my old life is reeling out of control while I'm enjoying this blissful simplicity. I'll look over my planner today just to be on the safe side. It feels so nice though, just experiencing each day as one, long, free-form improvisation.

I'm going to love simply writing this next year in Chicago. It's what I love to do. Plan B, as I've said before, is for 'BUT' and no longer a part of my vocabulary. I will live simply, write, chauffeur until I'm making a living from my writing (Thank you Middle Finger Project!), travel and spend time with the people I love. It's going to be fantastic. This summer is already off to a magical start. I can hardly believe I only began simplifying my life 39 days ago!

In a little over a month, I started a blog on simplifying my life, got rid of nearly everything I owned, quit my job, got my old job in Chicago back, sold my home, packed the dog and a tent in my car and took my first trip outside the U.S. What an incredible month!

Camping Bliss

2011-06-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Bear with me on the typos... I'm dealing with a French keyboard here in Quebec :) Life has been too sweet not to blog tonight. I had a fantastic week with my sister, niece and nephews. We got in a full six days of camping... in the toy room or 'the clubhouse', as they call it. So my tent was good and broken-in with green Play-Doh, the entire solar system, jacks, Doritos, orange peels, falafel and lemon cookies by the time I got to Michigan.

I spent one blissful night in Michigan, lying in said tent, catching up with my old friend, Jen. Today I'm up in Quebec visiting another amazing friend, Kara. I confided in Kara today, that I was so happy Jen and I had decided to stay in the tent and talk that night instead of meeting at her hotel and going out to dinner. It was really special and it was the simplicity of it that made it so. I know it.

When I tried to imagine meeting at the hotel and dining out, it just didn't feel like what I needed. It felt complicated and cluttered. There would lots of pretty things around and lots of pretty food. I would have to slip my raw food get-out-of-jail-free card to the waiter and get him to slip it to the chef in order to stick to raw - more on that later. There would be driving involved, lots of worrying about my stressed-out, skin-and-bones dog and less genuine face time, basically.

What I got instead was hours and hours of uncomplicated, genuine, peaceful, heart-to-heart face time and a hell of a lot of laughs. No pretenses, no pretty outfits or pretty outfit stress, no pressure to dazzle, no tension... just me and 'here I am, take it or leave it'... from all three of us, dog included. It couldn't have been more enjoyable. I was covered in bug spray, mud and sweat from the drive and setting up the tent. My hair had never looked worse. My dog had nearly died while kenneled and was suffering from some serious diarrhea, but damn we had a good time - all three of us.

Screeeeeeech! Raw foods!? Are you serious!? YES I AM! :) I'm sure I've mentioned before that I've been a piss-poor, albeit aspiring raw foodist for the past five years. While visiting my sister, niece and nephews in Chicago, my raw journey suddenly came into sharp focus. My eight year old nephew had contracted a virus. We took him to the doctor. After a very long time in the office, we went down to get his prescription filled. My sister and I were sitting next to one another in the waiting area, and my nephew was sitting in a chair across the lobby when my sister told me he was borderline diabetic. She said the doctor mentioned his weight and the darkening of his neck, indicating his body was trying to fight off the diabetes and struggling with his high blood sugar.

Not feeling well, he already looked so forlorn, sitting across the lobby by himself. I couldn't stand the thought of him enduring all the hell my dad went through as a diabetic - the infections, surgeries, amputation, weight struggles and early demise... NO. I also didn't want him to feel that he alone had been sentenced to health food while the rest of his family continued with their Arabic traditions of bread and rice with nearly every meal and his siblings continued with their chips and candy. NO.

My sister and the kids know I've tried to stick to raw foods many, many times and how I constantly struggle with it. They weren't aware that I'd once again whole heartedly embraced Margaret Cho's 'Fuck It Diet', but they knew I'd been eating whatever I'd wanted during my stay and well... practically rolling in all my favorite Arabic delicacies. It was time to step up. I made a promise.

It was after a day of last-supper-eating, cramming in all said delicacies in a panic, also known as dead-man-walking... eating like youère going to the chair. I actually had the audacity to talk my nephew out of a sandwich and into a banana before bed... right before I had a couple bowls of cereal. The guilt and hypocrisy was crushing. I asked him if he thought I could eat only fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds for a whole year. He thought I could. That meant a lot coming from one of my biggest fans :) Then I promised him I would do it.

He doesn't know what this means yet and probably can't imagine me actually doing this for a whole year - who could at this point!? I've fallen off the wagon far more than I've ever rode the damn thing. I said, "This is it then. I will do it until June 7th, twenty-twelve," at which point he corrected me by saying, "You're supposed to say two-thousand twelve, not twenty-twelve." He could only see the details. The gravity of what I was promising was all on me and it was freakin scary, but I knew what I was doing and I knew it was the right thing to do. Case closed.

Being raw while camping was actually quite nice. Jen couldn't have given me a better gift than a bunch of fruits and veggies that night for dinner, and plenty more for my fourteen hour drive the next day. It was the simplest road trip I've ever taken alone and ironically, also the longest. There was no wondering what goodies this stop and that stop had to offer, or dreaming up junk to indulge in just because I was on the road - you know, the crap you only eat on long trips - ahem, Miss Hostess, Mr. Frito-Lay and Little Debbie... you sneaky little bitch. Just kidding. It all boils down to choices and making one good choice at a time. That... is... it. Pretty simple when I finally admit it to myself.

This is just one way raw food figures into simplifying my life. Like the tent, it also creates more space for love in my life and sweet moments. Today Kara and I enjoyed some blonde raspberries in her car - just sat in the grocery store parking lot, talking and relishing life and its simple pleasures. Granted, I'm three days in and have officially entered the pretty obnoxious OMG! YOU HAVE TO TASTE THIS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY IT GROWS LIKE THIS!? phase. Still, it was a beautiful day spent reading, writing, traveling and enjoying people I love... HELLO LAW OF ATTRACTION! Isn't this exactly what I said I wanted to do!? Yippe-kay-yay! I'm doing it, baby! So what if I appeared to have a head injury at the French-Canadian Walmart check-out simply because I couldn't make the two ideas mesh, couldn't properly file them in my brain... Walmart and the uber-sophisticated, superior French. Never mind the fact that I took two years of French and still panicked when the lady told me my total, holding out my Canadian money while telling her in French that I don't speak French and I don't know if I have enough Canadian money. Never mind the fact that the $7 total was displayed on the register like it is in every Walmart on the planet. Never mind the fact that I fully embraced my ugly American-ness by applying my newly-purchased stick of Secret in the parking lot. Never mind that I'd barely made it over the border when I first flaunted my ugly American-ness by accidentally littering as I held a fruit container up to the car window to empty the juice and watched the wind whip it out of my hand, right down the expressway toward two upstanding Canadian citizens shaking their heads in disgust while eyeing my Obama sticker and Illinois plates. Never mind that I've been part of an Arabic family for eight years and I'm still not fluent, continuing to mix up meftuha (open) and tufaha (apple). At least I've never told anyone to 'Fuck the volume' instead of turn it down, like my dear, sweet friend, Kara.

Never mind! Life is simpler now and oh so good, and I'm having a fantastic trip that's going to continue long after I'm home.

Plan B is for 'But'

2011-06-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've been back in Chicago for the past three days, staying with my former in-laws (my outlaws). It's been incredibly fun. My nieces and nephews have always really rocked my world. I'm a five-star aunt and I take great pride in that.

Yesterday I went to my old writers group meeting - pure bliss, took a friend from the group out for lunch and fabulous conversation while his fiance got everything ready for his 40th birthday surprise party, went to the party, thanked the academy :), sank into more blissful conversations with a little girl named Kathryn and my friend Uma and her daughter. My conversation with Uma, as ususal, was something I'll think about for years to come.

We discussed the Law of Attraction at length, because we're both living it and learning more about it everyday. We discussed relationships, the books we're writing and the ones we're going to write. Then we discussed Plan B and how it contradicted the LOA in every way. I go to school in the name of Plan B. I've told myself for years that I have to have a good, solid back-up plan in case I can't make it as a professional writer. In the back of my mind I always knew that was self-defeating. But society supports it, because lots of people lack faith in their dreams and don't understand or have never heard about LOA. Here on my path though, I'm applying it to my life in so many different ways - why on earth would this be any different - the BIG dream!? I suspect there's quite a bit about this in You Don't Need a Job, You Need Guts by Ashley Ambirge http://www.themiddlefingerproject.org/. I'm getting her book. That's final.

Last night my sister-in-law (outlaw) and I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning have one of our famous chat sessions. I eventually gathered the courage to ask her if she'd be really disappointed if I just write. She didn't understand the question at first, I suppose because it's like asking someone who loves you with all their heart if it's okay if you just be happy. It's a no-brainer and her answer, once she understood I was considering not finishing my degree, was a thing of real beauty... "Of course not, that's what you should do! I've always felt that!"

WHAT A RELIEF TO HEAR THOSE WORDS! I had become so excited by my conversation with Uma that afternoon, by the mere thought of just writing, spending time with the people I love and working this next year, becoming hyper-focused on writing for once in my life, putting all of my creative energies into what I really love instead of splintering my energy into hundreds of projects because I lack the faith in myself to really make it happen - to become a full time professional writer... when I know THIS is how you make THAT happen - duh!

Some people have commented that it almost feels like I'm dying, giving away all of my belongings and enjoying and sharing such bliss and clarity in regards to my life path. I had to laugh, but it made me think about the fact that some of my favorite movies are about death and dying and more importantly, how people often become the most beautiful, authentic version of themself toward the end of their journey and just how inspiring that can be. My Life and One True Thing immediately come to mind. The coal is being pressed into a diamond... the brilliance and clarity... just about blinding.

Today I also begin healing body, mind and spirit with raw foods from the inside out. I will heal this aggressive nerve damage that's been spreading through my back with self-love and living foods. Watch me :)

Do me a favor. If there's something you want to ask of someone, even if it feels like asking for permission and you know damn well you don't really need to ask anyone for permission to do anything in your life, ask it. Even if you're 99.9% sure you know their answer will be something you don't want to hear, keep an open mind and ask them. You might be surprised. I was!

Road Trip!

2011-06-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

New tires mounted, work is done... hello road, here we come!

Everything is falling right into place. Even the unexpected challenges seem to resolve themselves quickly. The broken pipe was fixed quickly, easily and cheaply! I still have some furniture left, but I'm warming to the idea of a party like the one Karen's friends had before they moved to Hawaii. I could see everyone one more time before I move, and at the end of the night the house would be virtually empty. We could even have a little fire and burn all those papers from writing the first novel.

I've been sleeping in a messy, cluttered room, which makes me uneasy. It looks like I have a lot more left than I really do. I'll get that sorted out today, get packed and head to Chicago with my dog for my nieces birthday - can't wait to try out the new tent!

I had a blissed-out weekend at a bed and breakfast, living very simply and freely for two and a half days with a man so right for me it boggles the mind. We only planned one thing the whole trip and the rest we just improvised as we went along. It was heaven. It felt like we had such enormous expanses of time to relax and just talk and be... so luxurious. I'm always planning, making lists, thinking ten miles or ten days ahead. We were really living in the moment. We reminisced a lot because we'd gone back to our hometown, grade school and childhood homes, but we mostly remained in the present. We took very few pictures, not wanting to carry a camera, keep track of anything or even have to remember to take the pictures. It was bliss :)

Healing Inside and Out

2011-05-26T03:41:00.000-07:00

I believe if I had just one day off to focus solely on packing, I'd be done and road trip ready! That could be Wednesday!! :)

I'm ready to return to raw foods and eat more simply again. What a bonus to discover a fair number of minimalists are also raw foodists! It makes perfect sense. I'm feeling very scattered today. I know it's a direct result of the junk I ate and drank yesterday. I want to be clear-headed and energized for this journey into a simpler, more fulfilling life. Luckily, I know exactly how to get there!

Today I decided to donate my books on dealing with a parent or family member with Borderline Personality Disorder to a counselor who's been such a great resource and support during my year back here. I knew I would need a strong support system. So before I even moved back to Iowa, I set one up. It's one of the smartest things I've ever done. She's been fantastic. I only had the opportunity to see her once a month, but it made a huge difference. I've seen several of these same books on her shelves, so I know she'll make good use of them. As for myself, I'm not putting any more energy into them. I explained to a close friend who is going through similar struggles with her mother, that reading the books is like learning the rules to a game you're never going to win... or even enjoy playing, for that matter. What is the point? Bottom line? The books are a downer for me. I'd rather focus my thoughts on growth, change and happiness. Maybe that's what the authors intended, but you still wind up expending way too much thought and energy on the pain these people have caused. Pass. I choose to look forward!

Into Each Life a Little Rain Must Fall

2011-05-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

4am is a productive time! I got an enormous amount of sorting done this morning in just five hours! I've realized though that I want to finish this project before I take my trip. I want to enjoy my road trip without rushing to get back here, just because I'm unsure how long it will take me to finish.

In other news... a water pipe broke yesterday. I really lucked out though. Nothing inside was damaged and I'm so glad it happened now instead of during the winter, or after the new owner took possession or during my road trip! I just know it's going to be fixed quickly, easily and cheaply :)

I'm still having great fun finding the perfect home for nearly all of my belongings. There are sooo many things I thought I was sooo attached to. Call me crazy, but those seem to be the things that are the most fun to give away!

Big Things Happening!

2011-05-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I need to be getting up earlier and making better use of my time this week, because next week I'm going on A TWO WEEK VACATION! Actually, it's more than a vacation - woo-hoo road trip, her I come! I said I wanted to travel and when I realized I had another month before the new owner took over my place, I knew I could visit the friends and family I've been wanting to see for several years! It started out as a road trip to Quebec to visit an awesome friend who came to see me here in Iowa not once, but twice this past year. It was definitely my turn. When I mapped it out I started to think of all the people I could visit along the way and got pretty blissed-out :)

To make this happen, I'm going to take care of quite a bit this week. After sorting four big boxes late last night, I was reading a book called You've Got to Read This Book by Jack Canfield http://www.amazon.com/Youve-GOT-Read-This-Book/dp/0060891696. It's all about the books that changed people's lives. I was reading about Rhonda Byrne and Wallace Wattle's book The Science of Getting Rich http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallace_Wattles. The part about her taking $500 and giving it away to complete strangers $50 at a time really struck me even though I'd heard the story many times. She wasn't in a place where she could afford it, or so she thought, but she didn't let that stop her. I've had a fascination with this sort of thing for some time and ironically (not) it also plays a big role in my new novel I've been working on. I'm starting to think this new novel is my subconscious mind shouting from the mountain tops lol. I think I should give the rest of my belongings away, the things I really don't need, just like Karen's friends did before they went to Hawaii. It feels right.

I'm currently enjoying my second 90-Day Secret Experiment - watching The Secret for 90 days in a row. A different message in it catches my attention every day. The message that jumped out at me today was: "Whatever thought has done in your life can be undone through a shift in your awareness." - Michael Bernard Beckwith

Yes, I'm going to give it all away. Got to go - have some calls to make :)

Sold My Place!!

2011-05-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

It didn't happen Saturday, like I predicted, but Sunday... close enough! The details went just the way I wished. It was a total win/win situation - love those!! It went to the nicest people, people I know I will become good friends with and who are going to love the place at least as much as I have :)

AND... one of my other big wishes, if you remember, was to travel. I'm starting with two friends I've wanted to visit for years - one in Tennessee and one in Canada! I'm finally going to break in my passport!! My passport will no longer be a virgin! It's going to have a big, slutty, Canadian stamp in it - the first of many stamps to come!!

Since Dave won't take possession until July 1st, I'll postpone my return to my old job a bit to visit friends and give away the remainder of my things. There's still a lot to give away! There's also still a lot to sort through - three closets, four boxes and one cupboard. Although the closets won't take nearly as long as the last one. That was an eye-opener. It was absolutely crammed full of old stuff I'd always avoided sorting. It feels so incredibly empowering to see it empty!!

Second Sale!

2011-05-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

IT IS STAGGERING... I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVE. Thank God for random, apocalyptic, volcano conversations. I shudder to think I could've hung on to all this crap my entire life! What if something happened to me and all this was left for someone else to sort through... someone I love!? What a horrible thing to do to the people you love.

I still have a couple of cupboards, three closets and at least four boxes to sort through - unbelievable. At the same time, I could not be more excited I'm doing this!!! I've moved too many boxes full of papers too many times without even thinking of sorting through them. How many times did I buy highlighters or permanent magic markers, completely oblivious to the fact that I already had at least forty of each scattered throughout the house in random drawers and boxes!? It's really interesting. I can see where my money has gone too... mostly frittered away on stupid crap. Those days are also over :)

First Sale Went Great!

2011-05-21T07:21:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping track of everything I get rid of, but I couldn't possibly remember everything from yesterday! Let's just say it was well over 200 items, between what I threw out, gave away and sold. Someone bought my big, beautiful couch and matching chair. My friend Linda was here and after they left she asked me if I was okay. I said, "YEAH! I just lost over 300 pounds!" It's a relief knowing I never have to move that couch again.

I thanked Kelly and my aunt for understanding my decision. We got together for Scrabble last night. My aunt informed me that she doesn't understand, she's just dealing with it. We had a good laugh about that.

One family looked at the place yesterday, and I have another family coming tomorrow.

Everyone knows I'm doing this now, I posted it on FB. No one freaked out too badly :) One of my bosses is very sad about my leaving, but I know we'll always be close, so I don't feel sad.

Yesterday, I cleaned out the biggest cupboard. I also sorted through all of my art supplies, of which I have a ton, and divided them up in a hanging shoe organizer. I'm going to give them to my little twin cousins. I haven't used most of the stuff in years. I can't wait to see their little faces. They're five and they absolutely love to draw, paint and color.

I've really enjoyed giving bunches of books away! I had no idea giving all of my things away would be so incredibly fun, especially when you have something you know would be so perfect for someone. It makes me positively delirious :)

Clarity

2011-05-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was getting ready for work when all of this began to flow through my head. I had to set my hairbrush down and grab a pen:

We strive for the life we really want when we are young, because we are focused and free.

We start to tire at some point and want to rest and make things more comfortable during that rest.

We begin to buy things to alleviate our newly found discomfort and to try to show those around us that we're really okay, really happy... when we're actually not. We're trying to make peace with not working so hard on our dreams. We find new ways to escape this uncomfortable state and alleviate our sadness, frustration and discontent: movies, books, internet, food, lovers, drama, furniture, clothing, lawnmowers, cars, diets, etc. These become our little 'escape pods'.

The more we buy, the more we fill our lives with this stuff, the more burdened we become by our fake escape pods - cleaning them, paying for them, moving them around, organizing them, sometimes paying to move them from place to place, storing them, worrying about them, sometimes paying to store them... until we are completely surrounded by fake escape pods and thoughts of them, which ironically prevent us from truly escaping back to that original mindset of our youth when we were free and unencumbered to pursue happiness and our true loves.

It's probably not that profound, but it just poured out of me in one big splash and I wanted to share it. It made me feel more sure of myself and what I'm doing, because I knew it was true.

Today is my first sale day and I have some women coming to look a my home. I know it's going to sell today and to someone who will love it as much as I have. I just know it :)

Magical things were happening with money yesterday as I let good energy and happiness just flow through me. I would need money and ding! It would arrive or an issue I needed money for would disappear. It happened several times and from unlikely sources. One was a woman who can be a real battle axe. She was the sweetest I'd ever heard her be. It was flabbergasting. She did direct her usual canons toward some poor employee of hers, but was an absolute angel toward me. The Law of Attraction in action.

Back in December I started My Secret Experiment, inspired by Dan and Kathy Living of Borrowed Earth, my favorite raw food restaurant. They acquired that restaurant and other dreams through the Law of Attraction and specifically by watching The Secret for 90 Days. So I did the same and things really seemed to flow so beautifully during those three months, I felt so supported by the universe. The Secret has its flaws like anything else. There's a very materialistic undertone, but once you get past that it's very good and very powerful. I've started watching it again. I can already tell the difference. It's such a great way to start the day.

I'm not running around like a maniac this time, getting ready to move. I'm enjoying the process, the journey. Don't get me wrong, I feel urges to run around like a lunatic, but I stop myself. It will all unfold at the rate it needs to for all of us to get the most out of this experience. Tonight I am still playing Scrabble with my aunt and an awesome friend, just like we have all year long. Life is to be enjoyed.

This morning I began to worry about downsizing my clothing and other things, but it's not a contest. It's personal growth. It will still be a huge improvement over the way I was living before, completely tied down by all of my possessions.

The past few days I've been thinking a lot about when I moved to L.A. from Chicago at 19 with two suitcases and a couple other bags. I've mentioned this before. After the requisite roadtrip car repairs, I had twenty dollars when I arrived in L.A. I'd even lost my roommate along the way, who wound up staying in San Diego with her old boyfriend. I landed in some French guys' garage, where a juggler had lived before me. I lived there for a couple of months rent-free, sleeping on a couch, going to modeling go-sees in the mornings and reading with the garage door open in the afternoons. At night we'd go out sometimes. They had a little magazine they ran out of their house, and took a lot of things on trade - mostly dinners in great restaurants. We were all living very simple lives. I was pretty focused on the things I wanted, granted, one of the things I was hyper-focused on was an old boyfriend I'd been with in Chicago whom I had basically followed to L.A., but I was 19. Otherwise, my days were clean and clear. There was stress, but everything always worked out. It ususally does for me. I can see now that I was using the Law of Attraction without knowing it. I made lots of lists. I had lots of goals and I was always thinking about them and achieving them in pretty short order. I am going to find my way back to that simplicity, efficiency and freedom. You can't reflect on the past with rose-colored glasses though. I acquired a television while living in the Frenchmen's garage, from that old boyfriend actually, who looking back, was a true minimalist. He prided himself on being able to fit everything he owned in a duffle bag. He'd acquired a little black and white TV at some point and soon gave it to me. That's when I became much less focused. I can see that now. Back then I had no clue. The TV and eating became my main escape pods for the next eight months, during which I was really depressed after the break-up. I finally went back to Chicago and was really focused and working a lot again... until I got another TV - lol. Note to self :)

I'm not going to lie to you

2011-05-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

This is scary at times - not the minimalism and downsizing my belongings, but the move I'm facing. Iowa is safe. I have created a safe, pretty, healing space where I've sorted through a lot not just in my closets, but in my head over the past year. I've never really liked 'safe' though. It feels like waiting to die. That's not me. There are so many things I want to do and experience. I tried to meditate on this a little bit ago, but I couldn't get anywhere with it accept (paging Dr. Freud) ahem... except the whys. In other words, I asked myself why I wanted to move back to Chicago - the big reasons.

My answers were:
1. I'm more appreciated there
2. I feel more loved there
3. I'm more respected there
4. There's more opportunity there
5. I'm more comfortable there

That's probably very offensive to the people in my life here, but they know the difficult people and situations I've been dealing with here. They know whether they were loving and supportive or critical and aggressive. They know who they are and the people I love know they are loved. I said I would come back here to help take care of my grandma and I did. I can sleep at night knowing I stepped up and did the right thing. It was not easy, but... The phoenix must burn to emerge - Janet Fitch, White Oleander.

Yet I still am questioning whether I'm doing the right thing by moving, because everyone has a different opinion and no one here wants me to leave, but they do want me to do what makes me happiest. What should matter most is my opinion, as it's my life. School was the big thing keeping me here, it was coming together. I had qualified for all the financial aid I needed, got back in, got registered and even got into honors, but the thought of spending the next three years here going to school made me feel sad. Why? This is not where I want to be.

So I will put up my sale signs, have my first sale tomorrow and let the magic and positive thoughts and energy flow through me. It will all work out. There are good schools in Chicago too. I am moving toward the light. I am following my heart :) I will trust my heart.

Moving Back to Chicago!

2011-05-17T23:39:00.000-07:00

I've really enjoyed working with the people at the hotel, but today I had to put my foot down with some practices I absolutely opposed. Then... I gave my two weeks notice. After that I called on an apartment in Chicago and began formulating a plan, a plan I can now see very clearly. I'm getting rid of nearly everything and I couldn't be more excited! All of this feels right. I know everything is going to fall right into place over the next two weeks. I am sure of it :) I could feel myself moving toward a major crossroads... and here it is.

The BIGGEST Simplifier!

2011-05-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to shout "Woo-hoo!" from the mountian tops because I've discarded over a hundred things, as of today!!! That's 103 things in two weeks! Yipeee!

Second, and you might have seen this coming when I got rid of my scale, but I got rid of dieting! This is scary and exciting at the same time. I've been dieting for almost 35 years. I'll be 41 in August. My mother had me on my first diet when I was six years old and really screwed up my self image... and I wasn't even a heavy kid! It was about her own fears. I feel like every time I've dieted I've reinforced those old feelings of being punished and basically told I'm defective and not good enough. I am so sick of beating myself up over this nonsense. And yes, this does include raw foods. However, for the record, there are some raw foods I'm still going to eat because I freakin' love them like: fresh pineapple, mangos, chia and baby Thai coconuts! But I am going to let myself be free to eat whatever the hell I want for this entire summer. I'm also going to make my six mile walk a daily adventure. Already got it in today and I feel great. I want to do and eat things that make me feel great. I've found after five years of trying to be a raw foodist and falling off the wagon thousands of times, that the deprivation really screws with my head. I rebel against it every time and when I break raw, I eat the worst possible things I can get my hands on, things I normally wouldn't go for. It's like a giant "F you, Mom!" every time and I've had enough. I'm not even following Margaret Cho's famous "Fuck It Diet", although I re-read it yesterday just for fun. http://www.margaretcho.com/content/2003/11/06/the-fuck-it-diet/

Instead, I'm just being me, listening to ME and feeling good. I've tried to give up diets before when I felt they were driving me mad, but couldn't last more than a few weeks. It is my longest running addiction, but I know I can do this. Right now I'm eating a romaine salad with grilled chicken, REAL mayonaise, sea salt, pepper, onions and celery and it's damn good. I knew I could have anything I want now. I could've had chocolate cake, a bag of donuts or gone to the casino for the buffet, but what did I really want? This salad... to a T and it is AWESOME. When it came to food, my life had become so ridiculously complicated. Simple = Happy!

Adios Garbage!

2011-05-13T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day in a very, very long time without a scale. I've been measuring my self-worth in pounds for over thirty years. There have been very few times in my life when I didn't own a scale. I can't believe I gave away not one, but both of my scales in the course of a week. This feels like one giant leap in the right direction! Hallelujah!

Why did I have two scales? I really don't know. I suspect I had one in storage I'd forgotten about only to rediscover it later after I'd purchased several more. To be honest, I had to think about this unlikely send-off for a day, first. It was a day in which I was angry with myself because I'd eaten junk food after eating mostly raw foods for a while again. I was frustrated, as usual, about the plateau my weight seems to be meandering around for the past six months. Up and down the same 10-15 pounds over and over. I actually voiced my fear out loud to a friend, that I was afraid I was never going to get below that weight. Instantly I regretted putting that out in the universe and just as quickly realized I'd been doing it silently for ages, programming my mind and body to hold onto that damn number. Finally, I wondered what would happen if I had no idea where I was in relation to that number. Ding! I had my answer, but I wasn't ready to take the plunge. I put the scale out on the porch, but didn't quite send it on its merry way just yet.

I played Scrabble with my aunt and a very good friend that night. I mentioned that I was getting rid of my scale and I hadn't been without one for years. My thin friend commented that she didn't own one and hardly ever weighed herself - of course. Then my aunt,whose not as overweight as me but definitely feels my pain, said, "Why would you give your scale away to a complete stranger when you could give it to me?" I told her, "Because you already have one and it's much nicer than this one." That didn't seem to matter to her. Apparently she'd like to have a collection of them, like I used to have lol.

Confession time... there are moments when my eyes land upon something I can't imagine parting with - sentimental things mostly. I just tell myself I don't have to part with it today. This is a process, and I have committed to taking some time with it. I'm 90% committed to returning to school for my degree in August. This is something I want to finish. It's going to take me several more years. I don't know whether I'll stay here to finish all of it or not, but I know I don't have to get rid of everything in the next thirty days. However, something tells me that now... if I had to, I could! :)

After all, I've discarded 64 items in the past ten days!

This Is Not a Got-It-All-Together Blog

2011-05-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

I slept in today, and I've noticed that when I sleep in on my day off it's not because I'm tired. It's because I don't want to face the day and my mile-long to-do list. I'm feeling overhwhelmed far too often. I'll be going back to school in August. That's going to re-open a whole new world of responsibilities. It looks like I'll be in Honors again, so I'll have plenty to do going to school full time while working full time. If you were hoping to read the blog of someone who already has it all together and simplified, I'm afraid you're reading the wrong one. I am a work in progress, make no mistake.

On the bright side, I have these next three months to simplify my life quite a bit. That's where my focus needs to shift, starting right now.

I used to have a line of greeting cards abotu thirteen years ago. It was a business I started when my dad was dying. When I lost him, I threw myself into it until the grief caught up with me and I could barely move. Then I put everything away. I didn't like running a business, not that one anyway. I was not a nice boss to myself, felt guilty anytime I wasn't working on the business and couldn't relax. I didn't like being a one-man-band. I was in charge of everything, when all I really wanted to do was create cards... all I really wanted to do was write the funny stuff. All I really wanted to do was write... which is what I do now. Life is a series of stepping stones.

I still have thousands of those hilarious, perfectly good cards. I've moved them so many times it's ridiculous. I've considered burning them at times, because I was so sick of moving them, but I knew that would be a terrible waste. Around Christmas I considered selling them again, but that opens up a whole new can of worms. Stores will want new cards just like last time and I've already established that I don't want to run that business. I don't even want to run it online. I think I just want to give them away. That was the best part anyway. It was fun to give them away - not profitable, but it made people really happy, which made me happy. I think I'll focus on nursing homes and assisted living communities. I think it could be fun. I just need to group them into packages. I could meet a lot of nice people doing this over the summer. I could make up some business cards since the information on the back is incorrect or I could make stickers to cover it with updated information if people wanted to send me an email. It's going to feel so good to finally get out from under all of those cards and boxes!

54 Items down... 10,000 to go!

2011-05-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

I swear I do feel things getting simpler or at least the burden of my belongings getting a little lighter. It's interesting to break down why I purchased them in the first place. I ask myself "Why did you buy this?" Then I ask myself "Why did you really buy it?" Sadly, it was often to project an image, especially with furniture. Like people are really forming the big opinions about me based on my furniture - lol. If I break it down even further and ask "Why?" again, the answer is acceptance. Break it down to its core and the answer is that I simply want to be loved. We all do. Is my color-coordinated living room ensemble going to bring me more love? No. My giving love and acceptance is what brings me love and acceptance. I could do that if I had nothing. In fact, I could do that even better if I had nothing.

The Happiest, Most Exciting Time of My Life

2011-05-10T04:48:00.000-07:00

I was thinking back to when I was happiest and most excited about life and ironically (not), it was also when my life was the simplest and most streamlined. I'd moved to Chicago from Iowa for a modeling contract. I was living in a hotel with three other models. I'd paired-down my belongings to what I could fit in my car. We didn't have cell phones or even pagers back then, so we checked in with the agency by phone twice a day. In between modeling jobs we explored the city, made friends, worked out, watched movies, read books, journaled - it was a great and simple time.

I paired down more when two of the roommates left and the remaining roommate and I got an apartment a few blocks away. I paired down even more when a few months later, we drove to L.A. But I moved there for a boy (a hardcore minimalist, ironically) and ended up quite heart-broken in San Francisco. The modeling was going well, but I felt it was a huge compromise, because I'd wanted to be an actor since I was a little girl.

When the Gulf War broke out, I was in a vinyard shooting my biggest paying ad yet. All the advertising money disappeared that day and I was homesick, so I went back to Iowa and then Chicago... even more paired-down sans car. I took the bus because I'd burned-out the clutch on my car. I had two suitcases - sold my futon & ditched my TV.

I stayed in Iowa for a little while, reconnecting with family and friends, but quickly returned to Chicago. Things were different though. I was still broken-hearted, which led to a deeper depression. My modeling friends had all scattered around the globe and I was broke, so I had to take a basement apartment out in the suburbs. It was a bad combination.

I worked a lot at first, but modeling's a fickle business and work slowed down. I began to accumulate stuff again, trying to make myself happy. I just became weighed down with belongings and weight, looking back. I ate myself out of a pretty lucrative, but unsatisfying career. I eventually got into stand-up, then improv, then Second City, where I learned to write. I use those improv skills writing fiction today. Improv is another beautiful minimalist endeavor - especially at it's purest with no props, costumes, etc. My 20's and 30's were all about learning and most of it the hard way, especially relationships.

My forties feel so different. I'm still learning, always will be, but I feel I've sorted out so much, figured out what works and what doesn't. I'm applying everything I've learned much better now. I've made lots of mistakes, but I'm figuring out how to live the best possible life. I can see it all coming together now. Simplifying is going to play a huge role in the next big phase. So is health, education, discipline and creativity. I am pairing down again, getting back to the basics and it feels fantastic.

I'm discovering so many amazing minimalist blogs:

http://www.theminimalists.com/

http://www.farbeyondthestarsthearchives.com/strategies-for-minimalist-freedom-success-how-to-make-difficult-decisions/

http://exilelifestyle.com/all-72-things-own/

http://mnmlist.com/paring/

I just realized two of my favorite memoirs were essentially written by minimalists or rather about minimalist times in their lives: The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls http://www.amazon.com/Glass-Castle-Memoir-Jeannette-Walls/dp/074324754X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1305025886&sr=8-1 and Double Take by Kevin Michael Connolly http://www.amazon.com/Double-Take-Memoir-Michael-Connolly/dp/B004IIRKK8/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305025940&sr=1-2

Everyday I'm realizing more things that intrigued me at one time or another, the reason being the beauty of their simplicity or minimalist qualities :) I was told by society that these things were wrong, irresponsible, immature and discovering those were lies is such an indescribable relief. People scoff when I go against the grain, but I've always been a black sheep. It's who I am. I'm just so damn delighted I live in a time where it's so easy to find the rest of my flock.

I've been haunted for years by a poem written by Robert Service titled The Men Who Don't Fit In:

There's a race of men that don't fit in,
A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain's crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don't know how to rest.
If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.
And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.
He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life's been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone;
He's a man who won't fit in.

This poem haunted me because I knew that was me, but the world is changing. In Mr. Service's lifetime there was no internet, blogs, cyber careers, etc. Would he feel the same way today if he were able to find others like himself who were living simpler lives successfully? I know he never finished college because he couldn't pass Algebra. I can relate because math has never been easy for me, and school has taken forever with many starts and stops, but I am determined to finally finish my Psych & Writing degree, math and all, with a leaner, stronger more efficient, raw food-powered brain. I also know he died on the French Riviera, so his life couldn't have been too bad. It could've been Scranton or Marshalltown - no offense. Maybe he felt he'd accomplished nothing, because he had few possessions in the end or little money, but I believe he lived a full life and we're still reading his writing today. I finally recognize a lot of depression in this poem and comparing oneself to others and society in general. I think these men CAN fit in today or at least find happiness. Happiness isn't about fitting in anyway. It's about doing what you feel you were born to do. If 'being a rolling stone is bred in the bone'... so be it. Make it work instead of constantly comparing yourself to the 'steady, quiet, plodding ones'. What exactly did they 'win in the lifelong race' in his eyes? Respect? Money? Things? I say if you accomplish what YOU feel is important, that makes you a winner. Who do you need to impress anyway? YOURSELF. Who's respect is most important? YOUR OWN.

When I was 20 I had my astrological birthchart done by an astrologist who is now quite famous. He said what is most important for me in this lifetime is freedom. I feel like forty years later, I finally understand the true scope of what he was talking about.

The Phoenix Must Burn to Emerge

2011-05-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

Eight more items gone today! It's fun scouring the house for the obvious things that can go... and surprising. It's becoming so easy!

Simplifying my life also means my relationships. I have to let go of toxic relationships. I've been doing that for a long time now, actually. People who thrive on drama and want to drag me into it find we've reached the end of our friendship rather quickly. Family, however, is tougher... especially immediate family. I lived five hours from mine for years and it was easier, because I was unaware of a lot of daily drama. Now I'm here and I feel like a phoenix as in 'The phoenix must burn to emerge.' -Janet Fitch, White Oleander. Living in the midst of the chaos and not reacting to it is a major test of will and patience. I will do it though. I will master this. If I want to be happy and simplify my life, I will not be reactionary to the aggressive, manipulative people demanding my attention or anyone else. I cannot control them, but I CAN control how I react. Being reactionary is something I want to shed from my personality which will greatly simplify my life and ultimately provide me more peace.

Raw Food Potluck!

2011-05-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Started prepping at 7:30 this morning and so psyched the humus turned out! I'm also making guacamole, cacao pudding pops, tomato basil crackers, raw tacos, banana ice cream and a sampling of apple-cinnamon-raisin chia meal. In other words - OVERKILL. I have a bad habit of doing this. I only needed to make ONE dish for the potluck. I'm hosting it afterall. Instead, I spent over $60 on ingredients at a time when I really couldn't afford it. I really want this group to be a success, but this is not the way to go about it. It's growing on its own. It's more important that just I be here, be supportive and be happy. People are coming for support, not the spread. I don't need to make up for any self-perceived shortcomings like I've always done. I overspend, overcommit, etc. I guess noticing this is a good step. I don't need to overdo everything... I AM ENOUGH.

Got rid of a candleholder today so far... 38 things, not counting what I've thrown away :)

Day off yielded 19 things!

2011-05-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have one kitchen cupboard left to clean, but of course it's the worst one - a huge one full of papers, printers, etc.

It feels great to let go of so many things I never even use, things I'd been keeping around 'in case someone needed them'. I don't need to take care of the world and make sure I have five pairs of gloves on hand!Especially since I've managed to keep track of the same leather pair for myself for years and years. LOL

Still excited & focused!

2011-05-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Not that I don't have a hundred other things going on, but I've made this a priority and I've also made this blog my home page - lol.

Focus has always been a problem for me, because I tend to have way too much going on. I've been working on saying 'no' more.

Today I'm going to tackle the kitchen. I'm hosting our monthly raw food potluck Sunday!

I'm excited about having the summer to clear things out.I go back to school full time in the fall and between that and work I won't have a lot of spare time.

Another minimalist earmark occurred to me.I LOVED Frontier House on PBS! I've even corresponded with a few cast members to see how the experience affected their life years later. I was especially interested in the kids, because it was such a powerful experience to have as a child. One boy said it did shape his career path. He works in altrernative energy. Another cast member was divorced and said the stress of a reality show and how it impacts your life forever after is overwhelming. I just thought it was a beautiful experiment and it was interesting to see how rich their lives became with less, much less.

Eating an elephant one bite at a time...

2011-05-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as I was about to head out the door, I added two candle holders, a lamp and some fabric softener I'd bought by mistake to the other things I'd planned to discard. Today, it's a pressure cooker, a breakfast-in-bed tray and a bud vase - three more things I've never even used . I'm just picking through the kitchen cupboards at this point, but it's still fun.

I'm finding more great role models all the time. A woman I work with had some friends who wanted to move to Hawaii, but you have to have a job there first as a residency requirement. They didn't let that stop them. They had a big, beautiful house full of beautiful things. They invited all their friends out and gave everything away. They flew to Hawaii with what they could carry in a couple of suitcases, bought a van when they arrived and lived on the beach until they both had jobs :)

The Reason I Moved Back Here

2011-05-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

I moved back to my hometown area almost a year ago to help my grandma sort and empty her house. She'd been falling down a lot and had even received stitches when she'd hit her head. We knew she needed to be in assisted living, but she felt she had a million things to do, namely cleaning out the house, before she could even think of moving.

It didn't take me long to realize the house was never going to get sorted. She'd helped a number of people sort through and clean out their homes, three that I know of, including several hoarders. Unfortunately, she could not stand to part with her own things and I soon realized what a mental illness hoarding really is. She couldn't part with old magazines and clippings. She dated them and re-filed them in boxes. She saved all food containers, including Big Mac boxes and McDonald's cardboard drinking cups and straws. She even saved the little pull tabs off of juice containers, saying maybe my nephew (who's ten and obsessed with joining the military) could make little rings out of them - not likely.

It drove me crazy at first. This area is a hard place to live in. I'm making less than half of what I made in Chicago. I even worked for minimum wage for a while, which literally made me cry. I've left behind a world class writers group who'd guided me through most of my first novel. I left friends too, lots of them, along with my former in-laws and my nieces and nephews. My grandma had no idea what I'd sacrificed to come here and help her, and didn't seem to care that she wasn't holding up her end of the deal.

A family friend was helping her sort through the most valuable things so they could get them out of the house and into the bank. That was the bank's advice and good advice. Grandma went downhill physically very quickly. Now she can barely walk. We did finally get her into assisted living about a month ago, and now she's in skilled nursing. The house was locked up and the family friend, who is also executor, has to get it cleared out via auction.

My grandma still wishes she could go home, still obsesses about sorting things. It's been an awful thing to bare witness to. Her possessions ruined her life. She was always overly concerned about protecting her things all her life, according to her sisters. She was the only one in their house with a lock on her door, growing up.

Just writing about this makes my stomach tense. I started telling friends and family I already knew how I was going to handle a move like this, that as long as I had a library card, some stationery and stamps I'd be happy. We could give away my things. I didn't care. I was looking forward to being a minimalist - had always wanted to try it. I also couldn't wait to have all that time to read!

So when the volcano conversation took place it was another stepping stone in this thought process. Once I'd written down how I'd live if I knew time were running out, I wondered why I was waiting to live the way I really wanted to! Then I discovered that exquisite minimalist blog, http://www.missminimalist.com/ and everything came into focus. Such a weight has been lifted! I don't have to keep up with the Joneses... I feel sorry for the Joneses! All that stuff they have to keep track of is tying them down and draining their energy. I'm not a freak! Not wanting to have a bunch of things... wanting sweet freedom to explore and discover is not only okay, but probably our natural state if you thing about the way we've evolved.

I attended a training school a few years ago and one day we had to determine our biggest fear. Mine was being tied down by other people's problems... which is basically how I've spent this past year. I think it was a huge life lesson for me.

Yesterday, I discarded five pairs of shoes, two curling irons and a straightening iron - all just extra stuff I wasn't even using. Today it's a blender, a juicer I don't like and a seven piece set of serving bowls. I don't work Friday, so I'll have more time to really unload. I'm so looking forward to it. It feels like a game and I'm gettting excited thinking of all the things I can release!

Per aspera ad astra!

2011-05-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

Through difficulties to the stars! Does it take an epiphany to start a blog? Your world being cracked wide open? Everything suddenly making perfect sense? Probably not, but in this case this is exactly what's happened. I've spent the past year enduring an extremely difficult time in my life and like my grandma always used to say when she'd clean our toy room, "It has to get worse before it gets better." I've spent the past year learning so much from her life and her mistakes. We're talking major life-changing observations. I am at a crossroads, yet I cannot take off for parts unknown... just yet. I have a lot of work to do, but at least now it is crystal-clear to me which work is most important and where I am headed. Freedom.

Two days ago, a co-worker whom I barely know... in fact, I'm embarrassed to say I don't even know here name... well, she talked to me for a bit about a project she was doing for a class she was taking. It was a presentation on an ash winter in the event the super volcano in Yellowstone Park erupts and covers the country in clouds in a series of months, wiping out agriculture, etc.

It got me thinking how I would change my life if I knew this was going to happen in two years. I'll paste the original email I sent to a friend below:

What if you knew something like Yellowstone's super volcano was going to erupt sometime in the next two years, and within three months ash clouds would possibly block out the sun, wiping out agriculture? How differently would you live your life for the next two years? Humor me. It's an interesting way to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Would it make more sense to just enjoy everything while it's still here, not sweat the small stuff, so to speak? Would I sell everything and just travel and visit people I care about, see amazing places until the money ran out? Would I eat whatever I wanted? Or would I be more apt to go raw and stay raw to optimize the quality of the experiences and time I had left? Would I still write? Yes, but probably more poetry like I used to, just for my own pleasure. What new things would I try to learn while I still had time? Guitar for sure, again simply for my own pleasure. Would I go it alone or travel with someone? Preferably with someone, but what are the odds anyone sane would take you up on it - walk away from their life, unless the whole world was openly speculating about the volcano and the possible ramifications. Would I bother to take pictures? No. Write about it? Maybe, but not for anyone else and I doubt I'd hang onto it. I think I'd just want to live in the moment, unfettered. It would be kind of exciting just to see what each day would bring if you were traveling through life as a simple observer, surfing the wave. Would I create art? YES, again simply for the pleasure. I think if I created art, poetry and music, I'd also give it away to bring others pleasure and be free of the burden of keeping track of it. Would I stay in urban areas or venture out into the wilds of Alaska and other parts unknown? Both. I think I would tire of urban life and want to see what nature had to offer before it was gone. Into the Wild appealed to me in that way. It's pretty beautiful, if you haven't seen it. Would I spend every minute I could with my friends and family? No, I still wouldn't. I would savor the time I was with them, but I would still have to have time alone. If I had kids, the answer would be very different. I'd want to be with them much more than anyone else, helping them make the most of everything while it was still here, while we were still here, without ever letting on. I would have to leave urban life to protect them from the truth eventually. But I don't have kids and my nieces and nephews, as much as I love them, have their own parents with their own plans and values. I would keep my dog as long as I was sure I could feed her. Then again, she might starve before she'd leave me. Is this all too dark?

Sorry if it is. A co-worker is doing a presentation on an ash winter post-eruption. I started googling and thinking. It felt good to sort out what would stay in my life and what would go. I've never really done that before. Then you inevitably have to hold it up to your current life and ask yourself if you're living it right? Why am I doing A if I'm really B??

I don't think I would be stockpiling canned goods in a cabin somewhere, but maybe I would if I pooled resources with a like-minded soul, and we truly believed we could eek out a life worth living while living off the land post-eruption. You would have to be so far out there in the wild that society would not encroach for some time.

Funny that I didn't think about this too much while watching The Road. I guess I don't believe we'll ever blow ourselves up, whereas a catastrophic volcanic eruption, on the heels of Japan's recent disasters, is easily believable.

Last night then, I discovered a beautiful blog, person and author! http://www.missminimalist.com/2010/05/minimalist-living-100-things-i-dont-own/

I started making a list of simplifying tendencies or an interest in them anyway, which i've had throughout my life. Suddenly I wasn't so critical of myself anymore. I'm not a self-absorbed jerk filled with wanderlust and a deep desire for simplicity, health, creativity, adventure and solitude. I was seeking a simpler, more beautiful and peaceful life and there are OTHERS like me! I'm not such abad person afterall!

1) I think my volcano daydreaming started this journey of self-discovery or cracked it wide open - one of the two.

2) I love the simplicity of walking and while I've never done yoga, it appeals to me because you can be an athlete and build strength with no equipment - totally self-contained fitness.

3) My favorite movie is Castaway - doesn't get more minimalistic than a deserted island, does it?

4) I love writing and am enamored with the idea of making a living off of what's inside my head.

5) Raw foods? Hello!

6) Back in my modeling days a fellow model told me about a girl who passed through our agency when I was with Elite, who owned two outfits and a backpack. She owned one dress & jeans and a T-shirt. I wish I'd met her. I still think about her and how she was living, traveling the world, making a living off her face and body, agency to agency and that was over twenty years ago. I wonder where she is now?

7) I secretly love looking at little, tiny houses on the internet. Some are handmade. Some are kits you can buy. They are super-cool and beautiful in their own way.

8) One of my favorite books is All My Life for Sale.

9) I didn't have a TV for a few years and even now, it's not hooked up to anything.

10) Used to love reading about couples who sold everything and bought an RV when they retired, so they could just travel and explore

11) Imagine video by John Lennon

12) Last but not least, I just started writing my second novel... this one is about a woman who walks away from her whole life lock, stock and barrel. Ahem, paging Dr. Freud...

I am so happy and relieved to have gained this whole new chapter of self-understanding in the past few days! It explains so much. I can't wait to read Francine Jay's books!

Today I begin simplifying. I just set five pairs of shoes by the door :)