Adios Garbage!

Today was my first day in a very, very long time without a scale. I've been measuring my self-worth in pounds for over thirty years. There have been very few times in my life when I didn't own a scale. I can't believe I gave away not one, but both of my scales in the course of a week. This feels like one giant leap in the right direction! Hallelujah!

Why did I have two scales? I really don't know. I suspect I had one in storage I'd forgotten about only to rediscover it later after I'd purchased several more. To be honest, I had to think about this unlikely send-off for a day, first. It was a day in which I was angry with myself because I'd eaten junk food after eating mostly raw foods for a while again. I was frustrated, as usual, about the plateau my weight seems to be meandering around for the past six months. Up and down the same 10-15 pounds over and over. I actually voiced my fear out loud to a friend, that I was afraid I was never going to get below that weight. Instantly I regretted putting that out in the universe and just as quickly realized I'd been doing it silently for ages, programming my mind and body to hold onto that damn number. Finally, I wondered what would happen if I had no idea where I was in relation to that number. Ding! I had my answer, but I wasn't ready to take the plunge. I put the scale out on the porch, but didn't quite send it on its merry way just yet.

I played Scrabble with my aunt and a very good friend that night. I mentioned that I was getting rid of my scale and I hadn't been without one for years. My thin friend commented that she didn't own one and hardly ever weighed herself - of course. Then my aunt,whose not as overweight as me but definitely feels my pain, said, "Why would you give your scale away to a complete stranger when you could give it to me?" I told her, "Because you already have one and it's much nicer than this one." That didn't seem to matter to her. Apparently she'd like to have a collection of them, like I used to have lol.

Confession time... there are moments when my eyes land upon something I can't imagine parting with - sentimental things mostly. I just tell myself I don't have to part with it today. This is a process, and I have committed to taking some time with it. I'm 90% committed to returning to school for my degree in August. This is something I want to finish. It's going to take me several more years. I don't know whether I'll stay here to finish all of it or not, but I know I don't have to get rid of everything in the next thirty days. However, something tells me that now... if I had to, I could! :)

After all, I've discarded 64 items in the past ten days!